When it comes to men, I’m starting to feel as if I’ve heard it all. From personal experience to lamenting friends, there are some common lines out there. And really, I’m a smart chickie, I know what all the common phrases mean. I appreciate that guys don’t want to hurt my feelings, but sometime, I’d just like them to grow a pair and tell the truth. But then again, if they didn’t that, then they’d be an asshole. I guess it’s a catch 22.
Anywho, here are some common phrases and what I’m certain they mean. If I’m wrong, boys, feel free to correct me!
“I’m not really into porn / strippers / bachelor parties.” or “I read it for the articles.”
Riiight! Men generally have a thing for some part of the female anatomy (boobs, legs, ass…). I’m not going to call me liars, but I will point out that the sex industry makes millions every day. Coincidence? I think not. Translation: “I like boobies (or insert favorite body part here)!!.”
“I’ll call you.”
While it’s nice to think this means I’ll call you in a few days; the actual translation: “I’ll call you sometime before I die, maybe.”
“It’s complicated.”
It’s not really complicated. Translation: “I have a girlfriend but I want to sleep with you, too.”
“Let’s talk about it later.”
Translation: “I’m uncomfortable with this conversation. Let’s talk about this NEVER!! I’m only saying ‘later’ in the hopes that you will forget.”
“She’s just a friend”
She probably is a “friend”…but one he also occasionally sleeps with. Or the “friend” is not good enough to be a girlfriend…but he doesn’t want to end things with her completely in case things don’t work out with you. If you’re either woman…get out of there!!
“Let’s just see where this goes.”
Translation: “I’m just lookin’ for a booty call.”
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
Translation: “I’m just not that into you.” And he’s a looser! Move on!!
"I'd never lie to you."
Did you not just read the last few statements?!?!
To be fair, I suppose it goes both ways. Let’s face it. Women are rarely just “fine”; we do mind if you go to a strip club; we are ready for a relationship, just not with you; and oh yeah, size does matter.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
What is a Runner?
I was at the gym (a couple of months ago) and Hector (a trainer) was stretching my legs out on one of the tables. I usually get a nice stretch after a hard work out or after a tough race. Another trainer walked by and said “Damn! She is FLEXIBLE!”
To which Hector replied “That’s because she’s a runner.”
Now, I’ve always been flexible. My mother loves to tell stories of me wedging myself places growing up, as well as what seems to be her favorite story of embarrassment that tells of me preferring to suck on my toes rather than my thumbs as a small child. Participation in track and field from the 4th grade until my sophomore year in college, 4 years of high school cheerleading and the up keep of all that stretching through coaching, and pilates and yoga. And let’s face it…I LOVE to stretch!! There’s nothing better than stretching. It always feels wonderful! As a result, I’m pretty bendy, probably more so than the average person.
My point is not that I’m a human rubber band, rather Hector’s comment: “That’s because she’s a runner.”
It was the first time I’ve heard someone describe me as a “runner”. I’ve been a “thrower”, a “cheerleader” and an “athlete”. Even with all the miles I’ve put in training for the ½ marathon, I didn’t think of myself as a runner. I’d say I’m a jock. I’d agree that I’m fairly athletic, but not a runner. I’ve grown to like running, but I never thought I was a runner. Even after crossing the finish line of the Chicago Distance Classic, I didn’t even think I was a runner.
What then is a runner? It can’t be me. I’m definitely not built like a runner. Runner’s are tiny svelte people who finish much more quickly than I. Runner’s don’t stop to walk because they’re tired or their lungs hate them. Runner’s look much better in those tiny shorts and sport tops. Runner’s go out in crazy heat and cold. How can I be a runner?
Is it possible that I’ve become a runner with out realizing it? If you look at my other blog, it’s clear that the amount of time I’ve spent running/working out has drastically increased though the year. I now understand the benefit of tech shirts, blister free socks and Body Glide. I feel better after a run. I even believe that Advil is its own food group.
Is being a runner a mind set? Hell, I just registered for an actual marathon, and it still hadn’t occurred to me that I’m a runner! I actually told myself that “It’s ok to walk during the Marathon if you need to…you just have to try and finish.” Does my body have to get there first before my mind catches up or is it the other way around? I’m not what you’d think of when you think “runner.” I’m not the girl who walks down the street and you think “Wow, I bet she was a runner.”
Looking back at both of my blogs, I can’t believe how much I’ve changed this year. Here are the stats:
I’ve run/worked out 41% of the days in 2007.
I’ve run a one ½ Marthon, one 10 miler, four 10ks, two 8ks, one 6k, ten 5k’s, run a leg in a marathon relay and climbed both the Sears Tower and the Hancock. That’s a total of 126. 32k or 78.3 miles in just road races. That doesn’t even count training runs. (I haven’t counted those miles yet, but I am curious!)
I've learned ALOT this year (and I know I still have even more to learn. What I understand best is that running really is about the journey. That what you get out of running is different for everyone. Each run has a lesson and a purpose, it may not go as planned but you can learn something just the same. To be honest, I don’t know how it snuck up on me, but I’m proud to say, that in 2007, I think I became a runner.
To which Hector replied “That’s because she’s a runner.”
Now, I’ve always been flexible. My mother loves to tell stories of me wedging myself places growing up, as well as what seems to be her favorite story of embarrassment that tells of me preferring to suck on my toes rather than my thumbs as a small child. Participation in track and field from the 4th grade until my sophomore year in college, 4 years of high school cheerleading and the up keep of all that stretching through coaching, and pilates and yoga. And let’s face it…I LOVE to stretch!! There’s nothing better than stretching. It always feels wonderful! As a result, I’m pretty bendy, probably more so than the average person.
My point is not that I’m a human rubber band, rather Hector’s comment: “That’s because she’s a runner.”
It was the first time I’ve heard someone describe me as a “runner”. I’ve been a “thrower”, a “cheerleader” and an “athlete”. Even with all the miles I’ve put in training for the ½ marathon, I didn’t think of myself as a runner. I’d say I’m a jock. I’d agree that I’m fairly athletic, but not a runner. I’ve grown to like running, but I never thought I was a runner. Even after crossing the finish line of the Chicago Distance Classic, I didn’t even think I was a runner.
What then is a runner? It can’t be me. I’m definitely not built like a runner. Runner’s are tiny svelte people who finish much more quickly than I. Runner’s don’t stop to walk because they’re tired or their lungs hate them. Runner’s look much better in those tiny shorts and sport tops. Runner’s go out in crazy heat and cold. How can I be a runner?
Is it possible that I’ve become a runner with out realizing it? If you look at my other blog, it’s clear that the amount of time I’ve spent running/working out has drastically increased though the year. I now understand the benefit of tech shirts, blister free socks and Body Glide. I feel better after a run. I even believe that Advil is its own food group.
Is being a runner a mind set? Hell, I just registered for an actual marathon, and it still hadn’t occurred to me that I’m a runner! I actually told myself that “It’s ok to walk during the Marathon if you need to…you just have to try and finish.” Does my body have to get there first before my mind catches up or is it the other way around? I’m not what you’d think of when you think “runner.” I’m not the girl who walks down the street and you think “Wow, I bet she was a runner.”
Looking back at both of my blogs, I can’t believe how much I’ve changed this year. Here are the stats:
I’ve run/worked out 41% of the days in 2007.
I’ve run a one ½ Marthon, one 10 miler, four 10ks, two 8ks, one 6k, ten 5k’s, run a leg in a marathon relay and climbed both the Sears Tower and the Hancock. That’s a total of 126. 32k or 78.3 miles in just road races. That doesn’t even count training runs. (I haven’t counted those miles yet, but I am curious!)
I've learned ALOT this year (and I know I still have even more to learn. What I understand best is that running really is about the journey. That what you get out of running is different for everyone. Each run has a lesson and a purpose, it may not go as planned but you can learn something just the same. To be honest, I don’t know how it snuck up on me, but I’m proud to say, that in 2007, I think I became a runner.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
A Whole New Level of Crazy
I think I may have done something stupid, and it's a mere 2 weeks before I run my second ever 1/2 marathon. I registered for a marathon.
A whole one. 26.2 miles.
I'm not sure if I'm excited or freaked...I'm certain in a few weeks when I start regular training runs over 7 miles, I'm gonna feel differently.
When I signed up, I was pretty pumped. I did sign up for the CARA winter training program. But now, I'm starting to get worried, they keep sending emails stating that people participating should have a strong running base...and that base mileage average keeps going up. It started at being able to run 6 miles comfortably and now it's up to 9 comfortably. Then I thought the first run was 5 miles, I now find out it's actually 7 miles. I signed up because I recognize I need support to train for this...why are they freaking me out? I'm a penguin for pete's sake!! I don't wanna get kicked out of the training runs because I'm too slow or not a strong enough runner!
The first run is January 5th. I think I'm more stressed about running with real runners on a training run than I am for the 1/2 marathon in Disney.
Regardless of my training, I will be participating in the Flying Pig Marathon (because I'll run a marathon when pigs fly!) in Cincinnati, Ohio on May 4th, 2008. If I die, the funeral will be the following week (plan your schedules accordingly).
A whole one. 26.2 miles.
I'm not sure if I'm excited or freaked...I'm certain in a few weeks when I start regular training runs over 7 miles, I'm gonna feel differently.
When I signed up, I was pretty pumped. I did sign up for the CARA winter training program. But now, I'm starting to get worried, they keep sending emails stating that people participating should have a strong running base...and that base mileage average keeps going up. It started at being able to run 6 miles comfortably and now it's up to 9 comfortably. Then I thought the first run was 5 miles, I now find out it's actually 7 miles. I signed up because I recognize I need support to train for this...why are they freaking me out? I'm a penguin for pete's sake!! I don't wanna get kicked out of the training runs because I'm too slow or not a strong enough runner!
The first run is January 5th. I think I'm more stressed about running with real runners on a training run than I am for the 1/2 marathon in Disney.
Regardless of my training, I will be participating in the Flying Pig Marathon (because I'll run a marathon when pigs fly!) in Cincinnati, Ohio on May 4th, 2008. If I die, the funeral will be the following week (plan your schedules accordingly).
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Who wants to be my buddy?!?!
I've heard it before, "Bethie, you really need a hobby." But I guess I have to face the facts, running has actually become my hobby. (I really have changed a LOT this year!!)
Anywho, I was puttering around on line and I found this race called Muddy Buddy Ride & Run. I was intrugued; after all the tag line was "Two Buddies + One Mountian Bike + One MONDO MUD PIT = The best time of your life!"
It's a 6 to 7 mile race where done with a buddy. One starts on bike and the other runs, at each of 5 obsticle points you switch running or biking and do the obsticle. You continue leapfrogging through the race until the end. You must finish together by crawling through a GIANT MUD PIT!!! HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!?!?!
I NEED to do this race!! I will be stalking this site until they post the dates for the 2008 Chicago Muddy Buddy Ride and Run.
The important question is: Who wants to be by buddy? Come on, I know I must have had some one out there at 'mud pit'! :)
(Seriously, people! I know someone out there wants to be my 'Muddy Buddy'!)
Anywho, I was puttering around on line and I found this race called Muddy Buddy Ride & Run. I was intrugued; after all the tag line was "Two Buddies + One Mountian Bike + One MONDO MUD PIT = The best time of your life!"
It's a 6 to 7 mile race where done with a buddy. One starts on bike and the other runs, at each of 5 obsticle points you switch running or biking and do the obsticle. You continue leapfrogging through the race until the end. You must finish together by crawling through a GIANT MUD PIT!!! HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!?!?!
I NEED to do this race!! I will be stalking this site until they post the dates for the 2008 Chicago Muddy Buddy Ride and Run.
The important question is: Who wants to be by buddy? Come on, I know I must have had some one out there at 'mud pit'! :)
(Seriously, people! I know someone out there wants to be my 'Muddy Buddy'!)
Monday, December 17, 2007
Home again
Stomach Flu = Bad.
What's worse than that? Having the hiccups when you have the stomach flu.
Trust me, you don't want details.
What's worse than that? Having the hiccups when you have the stomach flu.
Trust me, you don't want details.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Football Froggie
I was at BW3’s for some beer, wings, and football. I was wearing my usual Sunday Bears-wear and this guy at the bar starts chatting me up. Now, since the Bears don’t play until tomorrow night, it’s not technically a crime to talk to me during football, but this guy clearly should have observed that rule. He was also wearing a Brian Urlacher jersey, so I thought he was a Bears fan. I wasn’t interested in the first place, but his stupidity sealed his fate.
He introduced himself as Francis and continued to go on a tirade about how much he hates Dallas and Tony Romo. He also had some older guy (50-ish) piping in every so often. At one point when Romo was sacked he even wanted a high five. Generally not a problem, but when my hands are covered with wing sauce, I’m not so interested in a high five (a girl’s gotta have priorities). I gave a polite fist pound and continued with watching the games and eating. He continues to babble about the game and football in general. I have to admit, I was half listening. (I’m sorry! It’s hard to pay attention when I’m already preoccupied by food and football!).
Anywho, at some point he says to me, “That’s a cute jersey, is that Hester?”
Now, I have to make it clear, I have absolutely nothing against Devin Hester. I mean, paired with Gould, that’s practically the Bear’s entire offense. I love Hester. I even gave my mother a Hester jersey for her birthday.
That being said, the jersey I was wearing was not for number 23 (Hester), it was number 34. Anyone from Chicago KNOWS who wore that number. I wish I could have seen the look on my face, because the first words out of my mouth (no filter here) was: “What the FUCK is wrong with you????”
Even the guy sitting next to him smacked him on the back and said, “You idiot, that’s the ultimate Bear—Walter Payton!!!”
This guy’s response? “Uh, uh, I was THREE when he played, I don’t remember who that was!! Besides I’ve been drinking all afternoon!!”
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I could be piss-ass blind drunk and still know who was Walter Payton. Hell, I could be so drunk I was vomiting and if you asked me who number 34 was, I would stop puking, say “Payton” and go back to ralphing. Alcohol is not an excuse for not knowing number 34. Furthermore, the “I was three” argument is lame. I was 6 when the Bears went to the Superbowl that Payton played in and I could identify Sweetness. I know players that were around from before I was born. I may have given him a dyslexic moment if he had said Mike Green (the last person on the active roster to wear number 43). If you’re a Bears fan, there’s just some players you KNOW (Halas, Butkus, and Singlary to name a few).
After this I went back to my game, trying to ignore this ignorant fan. He keeps trying to talk…asking what I do, how many games I’ve been to…yada yada. Finally, he asks what I’m doing tomorrow night. I replied that I was watching the game. He asked if I wanted to meet to watch the game. I told him I’d think about it.
Sorry, buddy, not gonna happen. Not only do I have to date someone who’s a Bears fan, they have to be a REAL Bears fan. Granted, I may know more about the Bears than the average gal (ok, so I'm slightly rabid), but someone who doesn’t know Walter Payton? Or isn’t even smart enough to, oh I don’t know, LEAN BACK AND READ THE BACK OF MY JERSEY!!
Here’s a tip Francis: Try the girl at the other end of the bar in the pink Urlacher jersey with the salad. You know, the one who kept asking how many points you get for a field goal. I think she’s more your type.
He introduced himself as Francis and continued to go on a tirade about how much he hates Dallas and Tony Romo. He also had some older guy (50-ish) piping in every so often. At one point when Romo was sacked he even wanted a high five. Generally not a problem, but when my hands are covered with wing sauce, I’m not so interested in a high five (a girl’s gotta have priorities). I gave a polite fist pound and continued with watching the games and eating. He continues to babble about the game and football in general. I have to admit, I was half listening. (I’m sorry! It’s hard to pay attention when I’m already preoccupied by food and football!).
Anywho, at some point he says to me, “That’s a cute jersey, is that Hester?”
Now, I have to make it clear, I have absolutely nothing against Devin Hester. I mean, paired with Gould, that’s practically the Bear’s entire offense. I love Hester. I even gave my mother a Hester jersey for her birthday.
That being said, the jersey I was wearing was not for number 23 (Hester), it was number 34. Anyone from Chicago KNOWS who wore that number. I wish I could have seen the look on my face, because the first words out of my mouth (no filter here) was: “What the FUCK is wrong with you????”
Even the guy sitting next to him smacked him on the back and said, “You idiot, that’s the ultimate Bear—Walter Payton!!!”
This guy’s response? “Uh, uh, I was THREE when he played, I don’t remember who that was!! Besides I’ve been drinking all afternoon!!”
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I could be piss-ass blind drunk and still know who was Walter Payton. Hell, I could be so drunk I was vomiting and if you asked me who number 34 was, I would stop puking, say “Payton” and go back to ralphing. Alcohol is not an excuse for not knowing number 34. Furthermore, the “I was three” argument is lame. I was 6 when the Bears went to the Superbowl that Payton played in and I could identify Sweetness. I know players that were around from before I was born. I may have given him a dyslexic moment if he had said Mike Green (the last person on the active roster to wear number 43). If you’re a Bears fan, there’s just some players you KNOW (Halas, Butkus, and Singlary to name a few).
After this I went back to my game, trying to ignore this ignorant fan. He keeps trying to talk…asking what I do, how many games I’ve been to…yada yada. Finally, he asks what I’m doing tomorrow night. I replied that I was watching the game. He asked if I wanted to meet to watch the game. I told him I’d think about it.
Sorry, buddy, not gonna happen. Not only do I have to date someone who’s a Bears fan, they have to be a REAL Bears fan. Granted, I may know more about the Bears than the average gal (ok, so I'm slightly rabid), but someone who doesn’t know Walter Payton? Or isn’t even smart enough to, oh I don’t know, LEAN BACK AND READ THE BACK OF MY JERSEY!!
Here’s a tip Francis: Try the girl at the other end of the bar in the pink Urlacher jersey with the salad. You know, the one who kept asking how many points you get for a field goal. I think she’s more your type.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Just Crabbin'
I’m at this point where I feel a little better, but still icky. You know, that time where you don’t feel well enough to really get something accomplished or do something fun, but too well to sleep for 12 hours straight. Yeah, so I’m lying around on the couch watching bad tv and old movies, eating whatever is around the house (not that I’m terribly hungry—I really don’t feel like eating when I’m sick), surfing the internet and reading. You know what that means: Bethie’s a little crabby.
I’ve devised a list of things that I’ve found pretty damn entertaining and things that just are annoying the crap out of me.
First the entertaining:
My hat. ‘Cuz I like my hat.
I’ve discovered these mentholated patches that stick to your shirt. They’re not messy like Vick’s Vapo Rub, and work just as well. I have five patches stuck to my shirt as I type. I’m surrounded by menthol goodness.
Squirrels that while running across the yard and slip on the ice and wipe out. He was just doing that run/hop thing that squirrels do and just completely biffed. Call me evil for laughing at a small mammal’s misfortune, but that was some funny shit. I’m sure the little guy was ok…he scampered off.
Glow in the dark cats. Seriously, they were on the news—this is not a cold medication hallucination! (Google it if you don’t believe me!) I had the sound off at the time, but they were pretty funny looking. Their skin actually glows in the dark! Although novel, I’m not certain I’d want to wake up and be able to see Seamus licking his butt in the middle of the night.
Peyton Manning commercials. I really love the pep talks one. They totally crack me up.
The SNL sketch with the NPR Ladies Hosting Pete Schwetty with Alec Baldwin (“I love how your balls glisten.”) or the one with “Simon” and Michael Meyer is in the bath tub with Danny Divito (“My Daddy says, ‘Sometimes, Santa’s gotta get whacked!’”)
Now, Things that Annoy Me:
Macy’s. Fuck Macy’s. I want Marshall Fields back. (No news flash here.)
Hillary Clinton. This isn’t anything new either. Just with all the caucus stuff, she’s on TV more often.
The “HoliDUH” commercials. They’re just stupid.
Cartoons now a days are LAME! What happened to Garfield, Mickey, Loony Toons, The Smurfs, and Thundercats. Even the new Scooby Doo isn’t what it used to be.
Not being able to run or work out. It makes me antsy and worried that I won’t be in shape for Disney. I haven’t run more than 20 miles total in the last two weeks. Adding to that, not being able to sleep soundly. I've been up since 5:30 am. I'm certian that no one should have be up when the little hand is on the right side of the clock.
Ok, I think I’m done crabbing for now.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Stange Places I have Napped
I'm coming down with a sinus infection. I hate them. They're awful. They make me feel like OIA.
Anywho, I went home after work and slept. When I woke up, I decided it was time for a drug run to Walgreens. I had a perscription for something else to be filled so I had chosen my cold drugs and was waiting near the pharmacy. The chairs really aren't so uncomfortable that I couldn't lean back and close my eyes...
A hour later the pharmacist woke me up with my refill and to check on me. She wasn't even mad that I fell asleep. She just told me that she hoped I felt better! Such a sweetheart!!
I think that when I'm sick, I should nap at Walgreens more often.
Anywho, I went home after work and slept. When I woke up, I decided it was time for a drug run to Walgreens. I had a perscription for something else to be filled so I had chosen my cold drugs and was waiting near the pharmacy. The chairs really aren't so uncomfortable that I couldn't lean back and close my eyes...
A hour later the pharmacist woke me up with my refill and to check on me. She wasn't even mad that I fell asleep. She just told me that she hoped I felt better! Such a sweetheart!!
I think that when I'm sick, I should nap at Walgreens more often.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Much better and very blessed!
For those of you checking in, today was much better. I'm crazy sore from my tumble yesterday. There's a couple of spots on my side that hurt to touch... some people have asked me if I broke a rib. Sleeping/laying on my right side is not on the to do list for the day. How do you know if you cracked a rib? If I did, they'll knit, right? I'm not gonna die, yeah? (Reassurances please!!)
In other news, the kids were asking me about my shoes today:
"Are you wearing your new shoes today?"--"Nope, not today."---"Why not!?!?!"--"Because they didn't match my outfit."--"Oh." (5th grade girl)
"How did they know your size?"--"I have no idea, you'll have to ask Mr. C." (7th grade boy)
and a favorite:
"I asked Mr. C why he brought you shoes, and he said 'Sometimes a nice lady just needs a new pair of shoes'". (What woman wouldn't agree with that logic?!?!) (8th grade boy)
The 4th graders were super cute in the hall today (still concerned about my shoes) one of the boys leaned in my doorway and said (as if it was a million years ago, and it's some sort of inside joke between us): "Ms. B, remember when you didn't have any shoes?" -- "Yep, I remember."
All I can say, is I'm so blessed.
In other news, the kids were asking me about my shoes today:
"Are you wearing your new shoes today?"--"Nope, not today."---"Why not!?!?!"--"Because they didn't match my outfit."--"Oh." (5th grade girl)
"How did they know your size?"--"I have no idea, you'll have to ask Mr. C." (7th grade boy)
and a favorite:
"I asked Mr. C why he brought you shoes, and he said 'Sometimes a nice lady just needs a new pair of shoes'". (What woman wouldn't agree with that logic?!?!) (8th grade boy)
The 4th graders were super cute in the hall today (still concerned about my shoes) one of the boys leaned in my doorway and said (as if it was a million years ago, and it's some sort of inside joke between us): "Ms. B, remember when you didn't have any shoes?" -- "Yep, I remember."
All I can say, is I'm so blessed.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Fan-frickin'-tastic
I really did expect this to be a good day; generally I have a good day on Wednesdays.
I got up early this morning at 5:30 to shovel snow and was in the shower about an hour later. I felt as if I was running late and didn't have time to make coffee (Mistake number 1--There's ALWAYS time for coffee!). I got out the door a little before 7:00 and there was someone parking in my driveway!
Seriously? I don't live on a major street. My driveway is attached to my garage, where my car sleeps. I told the guy to move his car and he starts screaming and swearing at me. Calling me a "fucking whore" and that he could park "where ever the fuck [he] wants because it's a public street you stupid ass bitch!" This guy screamed at me for a good 20 minutes before he finally moved his car. It was insane! (Here's where I made my second mistake, because I should have called in to work "sick" and just gone back to bed!!)
So now, I'm late and trying to get to work for cheerleading practice and of course due to snow traffic is slow a honey covered hermit crab. I get to school and the parking lot hadn't been plowed yet and of course my stopping on the street lost my momentum in the car and I slid off the road. Fortunately it's wasn't as bad as last years incident, and my co-workers Sally and Antwan pushed me to the road (thanks guys! You're the best!!!) I drove around and parked in the back of school, which, thankfully, had been plowed. After much sliding and maneuvering I secured a parking spot.
By now, I'm completely tense, on no caffeine, a half hour late with 20 girls who are waiting to try out for cheerleading and still ready to cry from crazy driveway guy yelling at me. I headed to the gym, and of course there's basketball practice (no gym for me). I apologized to Blanca (the secretary who was with the girls waiting for me to get there) for being so ridiculously late and asked her to call the girls to the band room for try-outs.
In the brief window between tryouts and the school day starting, I ran around some more, and as I got to the point where I needed to go downstairs to make some copies for the day and as I was heading down the stairs I slipped (on a snow puddle maybe?) and fell down down the stairs. I tried to stop myself and grabbed the railing, but in doing so, my lower half still had momentum and slammed in to the railing. I seriously just laid there for a minute. I hit HARD. In trying to save myself, I cracked the heel of my boot off my shoe!
As if my day wasn't fantastic enough, I taught my entire first class walking around like Quasi Moto. I finally got the the point where I couldn't take it any more, I went to find Glen, the school's engineer to see if he could break the other heel off my boot. He was out fighting with the snow, so Kelvin, one of the Security guards took my other boot and tried to break the heel. It wasn't coming off so I needed to get back to teaching so I headed up to teach my fourth graders with a heelless boot.
Halfway through class, Kelvin comes up and asks for my other boot! Seriously? Shoeless teachers? Is that even legal? So I there I am in cold stocking feet...heading to mutual prep. On my way back to my class the kids are actually laughing at their shoeless art teacher. There's nothing like a large group of kids pointing and laughing at you to cheer you up. Really, I so enjoyed the junior high flashbacks that came with it too.
Finally, the sun started to poke through the clouds. Half way through my 6th grade class, Kelvin comes in with a bag...he, the other security guard (Julio), Glen and one of the lunch guys (Victor) had chipped in and they bought me a new pair of boots! How nice is that!?! It's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Totally made me feel like Cinderella...well, there was no ball or Prince Charming--but it's still a shoe story! (and I'd rather be Cinderella than Forrest Gump!)
The rest of the day wasn't too bad. I had a great work out with Hector. He not only kicked my butt, but also took my mind off things. He totally knows how to make me feel better and has the nicest things to say.
Moral of the story: Karma may kick your ass, but it's nice to have good people around to help you back up.
I got up early this morning at 5:30 to shovel snow and was in the shower about an hour later. I felt as if I was running late and didn't have time to make coffee (Mistake number 1--There's ALWAYS time for coffee!). I got out the door a little before 7:00 and there was someone parking in my driveway!
Seriously? I don't live on a major street. My driveway is attached to my garage, where my car sleeps. I told the guy to move his car and he starts screaming and swearing at me. Calling me a "fucking whore" and that he could park "where ever the fuck [he] wants because it's a public street you stupid ass bitch!" This guy screamed at me for a good 20 minutes before he finally moved his car. It was insane! (Here's where I made my second mistake, because I should have called in to work "sick" and just gone back to bed!!)
So now, I'm late and trying to get to work for cheerleading practice and of course due to snow traffic is slow a honey covered hermit crab. I get to school and the parking lot hadn't been plowed yet and of course my stopping on the street lost my momentum in the car and I slid off the road. Fortunately it's wasn't as bad as last years incident, and my co-workers Sally and Antwan pushed me to the road (thanks guys! You're the best!!!) I drove around and parked in the back of school, which, thankfully, had been plowed. After much sliding and maneuvering I secured a parking spot.
By now, I'm completely tense, on no caffeine, a half hour late with 20 girls who are waiting to try out for cheerleading and still ready to cry from crazy driveway guy yelling at me. I headed to the gym, and of course there's basketball practice (no gym for me). I apologized to Blanca (the secretary who was with the girls waiting for me to get there) for being so ridiculously late and asked her to call the girls to the band room for try-outs.
In the brief window between tryouts and the school day starting, I ran around some more, and as I got to the point where I needed to go downstairs to make some copies for the day and as I was heading down the stairs I slipped (on a snow puddle maybe?) and fell down down the stairs. I tried to stop myself and grabbed the railing, but in doing so, my lower half still had momentum and slammed in to the railing. I seriously just laid there for a minute. I hit HARD. In trying to save myself, I cracked the heel of my boot off my shoe!
As if my day wasn't fantastic enough, I taught my entire first class walking around like Quasi Moto. I finally got the the point where I couldn't take it any more, I went to find Glen, the school's engineer to see if he could break the other heel off my boot. He was out fighting with the snow, so Kelvin, one of the Security guards took my other boot and tried to break the heel. It wasn't coming off so I needed to get back to teaching so I headed up to teach my fourth graders with a heelless boot.
Halfway through class, Kelvin comes up and asks for my other boot! Seriously? Shoeless teachers? Is that even legal? So I there I am in cold stocking feet...heading to mutual prep. On my way back to my class the kids are actually laughing at their shoeless art teacher. There's nothing like a large group of kids pointing and laughing at you to cheer you up. Really, I so enjoyed the junior high flashbacks that came with it too.
Finally, the sun started to poke through the clouds. Half way through my 6th grade class, Kelvin comes in with a bag...he, the other security guard (Julio), Glen and one of the lunch guys (Victor) had chipped in and they bought me a new pair of boots! How nice is that!?! It's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Totally made me feel like Cinderella...well, there was no ball or Prince Charming--but it's still a shoe story! (and I'd rather be Cinderella than Forrest Gump!)
The rest of the day wasn't too bad. I had a great work out with Hector. He not only kicked my butt, but also took my mind off things. He totally knows how to make me feel better and has the nicest things to say.
Moral of the story: Karma may kick your ass, but it's nice to have good people around to help you back up.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Note to self...look before you leap
So I was stuck in the hellish traffic that is I290, and my lips were a bit parched. So I reached in to my bag (without looking--eyes on the road--safety first!) and grabbed lip gloss. I smeared some across my lips and as I pressed them together and...they stuck.
What the? I look at the tube-- MOTHER DICK!!! You've got to be kidding me!! Yep, that's right. Lost in the bottom of my bag from Halloween, was a tube of eyelash glue.
While this wasn't the permanent stickage of crazy glue, but this stuff was tacky, and tasted like a cross between glue, aerosol hairspray and stale mascara. It was super fun trying to get that crap off my lips, drive stick and not be a danger to myself or other drivers on the expressway during rush hour.
Note to self: check what's in the tube BEFORE you put it on your lips!!
What the? I look at the tube-- MOTHER DICK!!! You've got to be kidding me!! Yep, that's right. Lost in the bottom of my bag from Halloween, was a tube of eyelash glue.
While this wasn't the permanent stickage of crazy glue, but this stuff was tacky, and tasted like a cross between glue, aerosol hairspray and stale mascara. It was super fun trying to get that crap off my lips, drive stick and not be a danger to myself or other drivers on the expressway during rush hour.
Note to self: check what's in the tube BEFORE you put it on your lips!!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Suggestions Please!
I know it's been a while since I posted...and let's face it, I have some serious back posting to do. But in the mean time, I've decided that I need some new songs for my running mix. I'm taking suggestions! And it's always nice during the long runs remember who suggested the song; it's like you're running with me without actually having to run!
Help a runner out! Bethie needs a new running mix!
Help a runner out! Bethie needs a new running mix!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Shirt Nazis!
OK, so there are somethings that I'm not:
I am not fast.
I am not short.
I am not petite.
I am not small chested.
I am not a SMALL PERSON!!!
No, I'm not having a fat day, but let's call a spade a spade; I'm in no way going to be confused for someone who is wee. I was picking up a race packet for an 8K Turkey Trot on Thursday and for some reason, my shirt size was listed as a small. I politely asked to change for a medium and the shirt nazis told me "That's just not allowed."
Are you kidding me? LOOK AT ME!! I'M NOT A TINY PERSON!! For pete's sake, my boobs don't allow me to be a small. I thought they were kidding. Apparently you're not allowed to trade at all. Seriously? I've been asked to trade up and down before for other events. If there was a shortage of mediums, I could understand, really, no problem. But give me a break! I've registered for four events this month, and suddenly I randomly wrote small on my race registration? Ri-i-i-i-ght. The shirt nazi then told me, "Just try your shirt on when you get home, you never know, maybe you'll be surprised."
Who knows, maybe this shirt truly is magical...not only will it wick moisture away and keep me dry, but it will suddenly make me a small. Maybe I should start registering for smalls (and then I'll end up with a mediums!). Or the most probable, maybe I'll just get over it, quit my bitching and get used to wearing a size small. Grrr!
I am not fast.
I am not short.
I am not petite.
I am not small chested.
I am not a SMALL PERSON!!!
No, I'm not having a fat day, but let's call a spade a spade; I'm in no way going to be confused for someone who is wee. I was picking up a race packet for an 8K Turkey Trot on Thursday and for some reason, my shirt size was listed as a small. I politely asked to change for a medium and the shirt nazis told me "That's just not allowed."
Are you kidding me? LOOK AT ME!! I'M NOT A TINY PERSON!! For pete's sake, my boobs don't allow me to be a small. I thought they were kidding. Apparently you're not allowed to trade at all. Seriously? I've been asked to trade up and down before for other events. If there was a shortage of mediums, I could understand, really, no problem. But give me a break! I've registered for four events this month, and suddenly I randomly wrote small on my race registration? Ri-i-i-i-ght. The shirt nazi then told me, "Just try your shirt on when you get home, you never know, maybe you'll be surprised."
Who knows, maybe this shirt truly is magical...not only will it wick moisture away and keep me dry, but it will suddenly make me a small. Maybe I should start registering for smalls (and then I'll end up with a mediums!). Or the most probable, maybe I'll just get over it, quit my bitching and get used to wearing a size small. Grrr!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Tales...A Guest Post
I’m very excited to present my very first guest post on my blog. I’m making it clear that this is a GUEST POST because I am very NOT PREGNAT (just making sure that’s clear). This is just too hilarious not to post! This happened to Meghan at work. She’s an OT and works with children in a suburban school district. Here’s a dialog that she had with one of her children.
I really need to share this conversation I had with a 7 year-old boy at work today. By far the strangest comment I've gotten from a kid. -Meghan
Boy: Are you getting a baby in there?
Meghan: Yep. I'm getting a baby.
Boy: Has your big egg cracked yet?(Boy pokes Meghan warily in the stomach)
Meghan: Huh?
Boy: You know, the big egg...where the baby is. I don't think yours is cracked yet. You should be careful though because I heard of a girl who had to go to the bathroom and then her big egg cracked and all her babies fell out into the toilet. They just fell right in the water. Gross.
I really need to share this conversation I had with a 7 year-old boy at work today. By far the strangest comment I've gotten from a kid. -Meghan
Boy: Are you getting a baby in there?
Meghan: Yep. I'm getting a baby.
Boy: Has your big egg cracked yet?(Boy pokes Meghan warily in the stomach)
Meghan: Huh?
Boy: You know, the big egg...where the baby is. I don't think yours is cracked yet. You should be careful though because I heard of a girl who had to go to the bathroom and then her big egg cracked and all her babies fell out into the toilet. They just fell right in the water. Gross.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Death is not an Option
Recently I posted about things that irritate me at the gym. Today, two of my favorites had an interesting interaction. Naked Hair Drier (who, today, was wearing underwear, so let's go with Semi-Naked Hair Drier) was flipping her hair about drying her hair and Loud Cell Phone talker (also in her underwear) was screaming at the top of her lungs in Polish at someone on the other line. She proceeds to start yelling at Semi-Naked Hair Drier (still in Polish) for only what I can assume was for her to stop drying her hair so that she could continue to converse.
This scene amused me to no end and probably turned me in to the weird girl who laughs randomly, but I digress. It reminded me of a game I used to play in college. My Sophomore year, I took Brain and Behavior with Barb. While this class was usually pretty interesting, there were just some lectures that dragged (generally the ones not about drugs or alcohol). As a result, Barb and I would play "Death is not an Option". It was based on the principle (learned in that very class) that when given a choice, you always do have a preference. Even if you think you can't decide, your brain really can make a decision (think Phoebe in friends playing the choice game with Joey). Anywho, Barb and I would spend our classes passing a paper back and forth pitting two random frat boys on campus against each other and forcing a choice between the two as to with whom we'd rather shack--and as the name implies--choosing death was not an option. (Don't judge, you know you're gonna play it!!) More often than not, the choices were not pretty in any way, shape or form. (Side bar--Barb, remember when we put the ambiguously gay duo as the two options?)
This game made me think, given the two gym annoyances (the Semi-Naked Hair Drier and the Talk Loudly on Her Cell Phone in her Underwear girls) who was the worse option? For me the Talk Loudly on Her Cell Phone girl seemed to be the more obnoxious of the two. Why naked hair drying in a semi-public place is more acceptable in my mind, I'll never know...but given the choice, I'll deal with her any day!
This scene amused me to no end and probably turned me in to the weird girl who laughs randomly, but I digress. It reminded me of a game I used to play in college. My Sophomore year, I took Brain and Behavior with Barb. While this class was usually pretty interesting, there were just some lectures that dragged (generally the ones not about drugs or alcohol). As a result, Barb and I would play "Death is not an Option". It was based on the principle (learned in that very class) that when given a choice, you always do have a preference. Even if you think you can't decide, your brain really can make a decision (think Phoebe in friends playing the choice game with Joey). Anywho, Barb and I would spend our classes passing a paper back and forth pitting two random frat boys on campus against each other and forcing a choice between the two as to with whom we'd rather shack--and as the name implies--choosing death was not an option. (Don't judge, you know you're gonna play it!!) More often than not, the choices were not pretty in any way, shape or form. (Side bar--Barb, remember when we put the ambiguously gay duo as the two options?)
This game made me think, given the two gym annoyances (the Semi-Naked Hair Drier and the Talk Loudly on Her Cell Phone in her Underwear girls) who was the worse option? For me the Talk Loudly on Her Cell Phone girl seemed to be the more obnoxious of the two. Why naked hair drying in a semi-public place is more acceptable in my mind, I'll never know...but given the choice, I'll deal with her any day!
Thursday, November 1, 2007
I need some digits!!
Ok, so my phone met an unfortunate demise between my steel toed boots, gravity, and a brick wall. (See, Mom--I told you I was going to kick things.) It's now in at least 5 pieces that I could find. Don't ask, just suffice it to say I had a shitty day.
The point is not to illuminate my klutziness, rather to ask you for all your phone numbers. I've lost every last one of my contacts. Either call me, or send me your number.
I'm now going to nurse my wounds from this horrible, awful, no good, very bad day with beer, trivia and a chicken tender wrap--Hey! It's what makes me happy!
The point is not to illuminate my klutziness, rather to ask you for all your phone numbers. I've lost every last one of my contacts. Either call me, or send me your number.
I'm now going to nurse my wounds from this horrible, awful, no good, very bad day with beer, trivia and a chicken tender wrap--Hey! It's what makes me happy!
Friday, October 26, 2007
Awake
It's three-thirty in the morning. I'm a up because I was woken by a snoring bed mate.
That's right, Seamus, MY CAT was snoring and woke me up.
You've got to be kidding me.
(He was smaking his lips and meowing too...I hope what ever he was dreaming about was good--because it totally woke my ass up!)
That's right, Seamus, MY CAT was snoring and woke me up.
You've got to be kidding me.
(He was smaking his lips and meowing too...I hope what ever he was dreaming about was good--because it totally woke my ass up!)
Monday, October 22, 2007
The Day After
So everything this morning went as well as could be expected. I hate IVs and the butt-baring hospitals gowns. But I guess I can take some pleasure in knowing that at some point I probably mooned my doctor in the process. I even have lovely pictures and a note for a return to work on Wednesday (but let's face it, I'll probably go back tomorrow anyway).
On a side note, I have a new addition for the Frog Chronicles. As the nurse was giving me the sedatives, some guy in scrubs asked me if I was single and if he could get my phone number. Are you kidding me? That's the time I want some guy to chat me up...while I'm laying on a gurney in a hospital gown that lets my ass hang out. Are you serious?!?! I'm quite certain my "Fuck off" face isn't quite as effective while under the influence of intravenous drugs. Isn't it in the Hippocratic oath somewhere--"Don't hit on patients."? UGH!!
On a side note, I have a new addition for the Frog Chronicles. As the nurse was giving me the sedatives, some guy in scrubs asked me if I was single and if he could get my phone number. Are you kidding me? That's the time I want some guy to chat me up...while I'm laying on a gurney in a hospital gown that lets my ass hang out. Are you serious?!?! I'm quite certain my "Fuck off" face isn't quite as effective while under the influence of intravenous drugs. Isn't it in the Hippocratic oath somewhere--"Don't hit on patients."? UGH!!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Barely had the calories to post...
I have a “procedure” at the hospital tomorrow. I really don’t want to get in to the specifics about it, but suffice it to say I’m not happy about it. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna die or anything (well, someday, but not because of this), I’m just bitching about the prep right now.
First of all, this sucks because I can’t eat all day today. No solid food. So I’m watching the Bears game and eating low sodium chicken broth. No brats, no beer, no nachos or some other fun game type food—CHICKEN BROTH and WATER.
Later today I have to take this medicine that’s sole purpose is to make me ill. We can put a man on the frickin’ moon and I have to drink a gallon of this shit. There’s no simple pill option. I’d take a couple of pills and drink a gallon of water if I they’d let me—medical science is seriously lagging in this arena. It tastes like open infected ass. I’m not kidding about it’s badness—even the pharmacist gave me the look “Ooooo—I feel sorry for you.” But don’t worry folks…as the doctor and pharmacist pointed out; there are “flavor” packets that I can add to the solution. Yeah, I’m sure a little pineapple tablet is the answer. Maybe I can add some rum and a little umbrella too!! To add insult to injury, I have to drink it, but it’s not even covered by my insurance—what the crap!
So today, (and appreciate the irony) I’m tired yet wide awake, hungry yet feeling sick, and crabby (there’s no pair for this—I’m just crabby).
First of all, this sucks because I can’t eat all day today. No solid food. So I’m watching the Bears game and eating low sodium chicken broth. No brats, no beer, no nachos or some other fun game type food—CHICKEN BROTH and WATER.
Later today I have to take this medicine that’s sole purpose is to make me ill. We can put a man on the frickin’ moon and I have to drink a gallon of this shit. There’s no simple pill option. I’d take a couple of pills and drink a gallon of water if I they’d let me—medical science is seriously lagging in this arena. It tastes like open infected ass. I’m not kidding about it’s badness—even the pharmacist gave me the look “Ooooo—I feel sorry for you.” But don’t worry folks…as the doctor and pharmacist pointed out; there are “flavor” packets that I can add to the solution. Yeah, I’m sure a little pineapple tablet is the answer. Maybe I can add some rum and a little umbrella too!! To add insult to injury, I have to drink it, but it’s not even covered by my insurance—what the crap!
So today, (and appreciate the irony) I’m tired yet wide awake, hungry yet feeling sick, and crabby (there’s no pair for this—I’m just crabby).
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Gym Annoyaces
Went to the gym pretty late today. It was irritating.
Things that piss me off at the gym:
1. It turns into a meat market between the hours of 7 and 10 pm.
2. People who talk on their cell phones loudly on the machines. (I don't really care how "like, how totally wasted" you were or how "completely ass ugly" the guy you woke up next to was. If I wanted that info, I'd watch Jerry Springer.)
3. People who don't understand my "Fuck off" face. I'm at the gym. I'm there for one reason--to work out. Not to hit on people or get picked up. Unless you have legitimate question, do not talk to me. Learn the "Fuck off" face, and follow it!
4. People who are on machines on either side of you who hold conversations through you as if you're not there. (Seriously, either ask her out, or tell him he's not getting any--I don't care the outcome and I also don't want to be the literal center of the conversation!)
5. People who stare at my ass while I'm working out. (Yes, I have one--no it doesn't like to be ogled...get a magazine!!!--thank goodness for my super-industrial Oprah sports bra!)
6. Women who prance around the locker room either naked or in thongs. (Call me a prude, but why do you need to blow dry your hair at the sinks naked? And, do you really need to actually bend over for that extra volume while you're naked? Or sit on the counter to talk on your cell phone? You're not at home!!)
7. People who wear too much perfume/cologne. It's a gym, you're there to sweat. You're not fooling anyone.
8. People who sweat on the machines and don't wipe them down. I know you're there to sweat--I get that, but get a paper towel and wipe down your machine!! ICK!
9. Prissy mascara happy make-up queens and scary 'roid freaks. Ok, so this one isn't unique to the gym. But I still don't like 'em!!
10. People who drop weights or grunt like mad when they lift. Being a drama queen will not increase your maximum lifting ability. I understand that this is bound to happen, but when your workout starts to resemble the sound track of porn, you may want to think about cutting back a few pounds--just a couple. It won't hurt ya, I promise.
I really don't think I'm being excessively crabby about this (except for maybe number 9). I really think these things should fall under the category of 'common courtesy'. Come on, people!!
Things that piss me off at the gym:
1. It turns into a meat market between the hours of 7 and 10 pm.
2. People who talk on their cell phones loudly on the machines. (I don't really care how "like, how totally wasted" you were or how "completely ass ugly" the guy you woke up next to was. If I wanted that info, I'd watch Jerry Springer.)
3. People who don't understand my "Fuck off" face. I'm at the gym. I'm there for one reason--to work out. Not to hit on people or get picked up. Unless you have legitimate question, do not talk to me. Learn the "Fuck off" face, and follow it!
4. People who are on machines on either side of you who hold conversations through you as if you're not there. (Seriously, either ask her out, or tell him he's not getting any--I don't care the outcome and I also don't want to be the literal center of the conversation!)
5. People who stare at my ass while I'm working out. (Yes, I have one--no it doesn't like to be ogled...get a magazine!!!--thank goodness for my super-industrial Oprah sports bra!)
6. Women who prance around the locker room either naked or in thongs. (Call me a prude, but why do you need to blow dry your hair at the sinks naked? And, do you really need to actually bend over for that extra volume while you're naked? Or sit on the counter to talk on your cell phone? You're not at home!!)
7. People who wear too much perfume/cologne. It's a gym, you're there to sweat. You're not fooling anyone.
8. People who sweat on the machines and don't wipe them down. I know you're there to sweat--I get that, but get a paper towel and wipe down your machine!! ICK!
9. Prissy mascara happy make-up queens and scary 'roid freaks. Ok, so this one isn't unique to the gym. But I still don't like 'em!!
10. People who drop weights or grunt like mad when they lift. Being a drama queen will not increase your maximum lifting ability. I understand that this is bound to happen, but when your workout starts to resemble the sound track of porn, you may want to think about cutting back a few pounds--just a couple. It won't hurt ya, I promise.
I really don't think I'm being excessively crabby about this (except for maybe number 9). I really think these things should fall under the category of 'common courtesy'. Come on, people!!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
I knew it!!
Barb---You were right, I do have some sort of beacon!!
| You Are a Jerk Magnet |
 In fact, it's quite possible you've never dated a nice, normal guy. You can't seem to tell if a guy's a jerk or not... until it's too late! |
Chuck Norris will make it all better...
Today had one of those afternoons where I felt as if I was speaking to my students in Japanese or something. Seriously. It was like trying to herd a bunch of drunk cats. (Even Seamus comes when he's called--it was that bad).
Anywho, Chuck Norris Jokes always makes me feel better. If you had one of those days too, then enjoy! If you don't like Chuck Norris jokes, then don't admit that out loud--Chuck Norris will find you.
Anywho, Chuck Norris Jokes always makes me feel better. If you had one of those days too, then enjoy! If you don't like Chuck Norris jokes, then don't admit that out loud--Chuck Norris will find you.
- Some piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
- Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
- Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
- Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
- Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
- Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
- Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
- Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
- Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
- Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
- Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
- Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in the Periodic Table of the Elements. The only element Chuck Norris believes in is the element of surprise.
- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. Chuck Norris waits.
- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
- To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
- When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axles, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
- Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
- If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
- Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
- A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why Chuck Norris will simply stare at you, grimly.
- Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
- If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.
- Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
- Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
- If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and shits them out transformed into a robot.
- Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
- Chuck Norris does not wear a condom, because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
- When the boogieman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
- Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
- Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch; HE decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
- Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
If I've missed your favorite, maybe I'll get it next time (or you can post it in the comments section, if you really need to see it posted. If you're Chuck Norris and I missed your favorite, I'm sorry. Please don't roundhouse kick me in the face.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Barb deals with Trauma
Barb was over the other night, passing through before she flew back home to Salt Lake City. We had a full evening of dinner and trivia and I was getting ready for bed. I had slid my robe on and felt something on by breast...almost as if something was lightly sliding it's way around from the top to the bottom. I opened my robe and a shrieked!!! (I'm certain I screamed like a girl--but I am one...)
The biggest fucking spider I've ever seen, outside of a zoo, was hanging from my breast!!!!
Somehow the spider ended up on the floor...I threw the spidery robe on the ground grabbed my Bears robe to cover up and jumped on my bed screaming. Thank God Barb deals with trauma!!! She came in to the room and squished the damn thing. It was so gross. It seriously was the size of a half dollar. ICK!!! I was so skived out, I immediately took a shower.
Barb---you truly are my hero.
I have no idea what I'm going to do now that she's a time zone away (It makes me itchy just typing this post!). I need to start taking applicants for the position of "Spider Squisher".
The biggest fucking spider I've ever seen, outside of a zoo, was hanging from my breast!!!!
Somehow the spider ended up on the floor...I threw the spidery robe on the ground grabbed my Bears robe to cover up and jumped on my bed screaming. Thank God Barb deals with trauma!!! She came in to the room and squished the damn thing. It was so gross. It seriously was the size of a half dollar. ICK!!! I was so skived out, I immediately took a shower.
Barb---you truly are my hero.
I have no idea what I'm going to do now that she's a time zone away (It makes me itchy just typing this post!). I need to start taking applicants for the position of "Spider Squisher".
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
A Race & The Battle of the Titans
I had a wonderfully busy Sunday! While I was not a participant in the mess that was the Chicago Marathon, I did run a leg in the Lakefront Marathon in Milwaukee...we had an all chick team called Hell in Heels. I made our very awesome team shirts! Here are the girls...
The first leg was run by Michelle, I ran the second followed by Nichole and Barb was our anchor. Aside from Michelle, who apparently loves the heat and humidity, we did't run very well. Our time was 4:16 with a 9:47 split. It really was brutally ugly to run. I really wasn't feeling well, and it turned out nether was anyone else. Then sadly, when we walked back to the car, we found this...
Someone actually broke into Michelles truck and stole Nichole's purse! How awful!! And the car was parked infront of a major street! UGH!! Some people just suck. And furthermore, the Milwaukee system for filing a report was awful. I was on hold with 911 for 20 minutes. What if that was a life threatening emergency?!?! And the guy on the phone was useless. How can you outsource an emegency system?
Anywho, after a much needed shower and a quick bite to eat, Barb and I continued the road trip up to Green Bay, Wisconsin. Behold, the frozen tundra (that was actually quite the opposite of frozen).
The first leg was run by Michelle, I ran the second followed by Nichole and Barb was our anchor. Aside from Michelle, who apparently loves the heat and humidity, we did't run very well. Our time was 4:16 with a 9:47 split. It really was brutally ugly to run. I really wasn't feeling well, and it turned out nether was anyone else. Then sadly, when we walked back to the car, we found this...
Someone actually broke into Michelles truck and stole Nichole's purse! How awful!! And the car was parked infront of a major street! UGH!! Some people just suck. And furthermore, the Milwaukee system for filing a report was awful. I was on hold with 911 for 20 minutes. What if that was a life threatening emergency?!?! And the guy on the phone was useless. How can you outsource an emegency system?Anywho, after a much needed shower and a quick bite to eat, Barb and I continued the road trip up to Green Bay, Wisconsin. Behold, the frozen tundra (that was actually quite the opposite of frozen).
So much excitement!! Look! Barb and I found Beer!!!
For the record they have ENORMOUS brats that are longer than the bun and ever so yummy. Better than that was fried cheese curds which were little golden pieces of crack. AMAZING. I have to say, Packers know how to eat! It even beats the garlic cheese fries that are in Cleveland.
Did you see us on TV? Our sign rocks!! (Yes, that is glitter that you see) Even the Packer fans loved it!
Look! I made friends with the 5 other Bears fans in our section. (We've got to stick together you know). The other two Bears fans were being assholes...I didn't want to play with them.
The first half was dominated by the Pack, but as you know there are two halfs, and the Bears were hungry and took advantage of Green Bay's mistakes...but you saw the game. I was freaking out at the two minute warning when Farve was marching down the field (everyone knows how dangerous that can be!). However, thanks to some double coverage, Farve didn't make it and Behold: The most beautiful scoreboard ever!!
Check it out!! BEARS BEAT GREEN BAY IN LAMBEAU FIELD!!!! (Almost brings a tear to a Bears fan's eye) It was almost too much happiness for one little Bears fan to take (I said almost).
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Hell in Heels
I’ve been working on a logo for the marathon relay team that I’m running in on October 7th. I had something else in mind when I started, but I just couldn’t find a media to make it work on the shirts. Finally, I gave up and scrapped the original concept when I found maroon long sleeve tech shirts for $6.53 each. I couldn’t pass it up!
Here’s the finished product for team “Hell in Heels”:
The top design is on the front of the shirts and the names (bottom half of the screen) are on the back. I hate to toot my own horn, but I think they look bad ass! Ladies who have to wear it…I hope you like ‘em, see you next weekend!
Here’s the finished product for team “Hell in Heels”:
The top design is on the front of the shirts and the names (bottom half of the screen) are on the back. I hate to toot my own horn, but I think they look bad ass! Ladies who have to wear it…I hope you like ‘em, see you next weekend!Tuesday, September 25, 2007
It's a good day to be me!
I have Bears/Packers tickets...
they're at the 20 yard line...
For the October 7th match-up.
(wait for it, wait...)
That's right, the real fans know that's an away game!--I will be heading North, past the cheddar curtain to the frozen tundra that is LAMBEAU FIELD!! (And I didn't even have to sell my soul to the devil--these tickets are impossible to get)
Barb and I are running the Milwaukee Marathon as a Relay, and then we'll head up to Green Bay for the game. I'm thinking a sign needs to be made for the occasion.
If the Bears blow it, it's going to be one long-ass drive back to Chicago.
they're at the 20 yard line...
For the October 7th match-up.
(wait for it, wait...)
That's right, the real fans know that's an away game!--I will be heading North, past the cheddar curtain to the frozen tundra that is LAMBEAU FIELD!! (And I didn't even have to sell my soul to the devil--these tickets are impossible to get)
Barb and I are running the Milwaukee Marathon as a Relay, and then we'll head up to Green Bay for the game. I'm thinking a sign needs to be made for the occasion.
If the Bears blow it, it's going to be one long-ass drive back to Chicago.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
A PSA
Here's a tip:
If you do not want to get cussed out, DO NOT CALL ME DURING THE BEARS GAME.
I'm not kidding. This is not a drill. My own mother knows better than to call me when the Bears are playing. Good, bad or ugly--there is no guarantee that you will not verbally get your asshole ripped off and shoved so far up your nose you won't know whether to sneeze or fart. This is true for everyone. NO ONE IS EXEMPT (including Barb--but in her defense she does take the copious amounts of swearing like a champ). I do not want to chat. I do not want to discuss stats. I WANT TO WATCH THE GAME.
For those of you who haven't a clue, the Bears generally play on Sundays. In fact, there is an active link on the side of this web page to chicagobears.com. It works, use it. Check the schedule before you get called a "scrotum scratching ass-goblin" (or worse). I also would not recommend that you try half time or commercial breaks/time outs, it's all the same to me.
Thank you, and have a good day.
(and yes I know they looked like open infected ass tonight) GO BEARS.
If you do not want to get cussed out, DO NOT CALL ME DURING THE BEARS GAME.
I'm not kidding. This is not a drill. My own mother knows better than to call me when the Bears are playing. Good, bad or ugly--there is no guarantee that you will not verbally get your asshole ripped off and shoved so far up your nose you won't know whether to sneeze or fart. This is true for everyone. NO ONE IS EXEMPT (including Barb--but in her defense she does take the copious amounts of swearing like a champ). I do not want to chat. I do not want to discuss stats. I WANT TO WATCH THE GAME.
For those of you who haven't a clue, the Bears generally play on Sundays. In fact, there is an active link on the side of this web page to chicagobears.com. It works, use it. Check the schedule before you get called a "scrotum scratching ass-goblin" (or worse). I also would not recommend that you try half time or commercial breaks/time outs, it's all the same to me.
Thank you, and have a good day.
(and yes I know they looked like open infected ass tonight) GO BEARS.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Ribbit Ribbit
So, I haven’t posted in a while, so I feel the need to oblige you with another episode of the Frog Chronicles.
I met this guy, we’ll call him John*, out at a bar, (I know, stop meeting men at bars! I get it!!). Anywho, we had some good conversation, and I gave him my number. It was a standard meeting…nothing out of the ordinary. John called later and asked me out for a date. He really didn’t say much about where we’d be going. He picked me up and things seemed to going ok on the ride.
Until John pulled up to a church.
Now, I don’t want to come across as anti-God or anti-religion or anything like that…BUT WHO TAKES SOMEONE TO A CHURCH ON A FIRST DATE?!?!! It wasn’t even for something like bingo, or volunteering or anything like that, it was for an actual service! And if that wasn’t weird enough, he introduced me to HIS MOTHER!!
There are so many things wrong with this situation that I don’t think I’ll even get them all! Sure, parents have always liked me, but I don’t want to meet them in a church on the very first date!! Further more, communion does not count as dinner and drinks. There was no warning either--I have never literally prayed so hard for a date to be over!
*As usual the names have been changed.
I met this guy, we’ll call him John*, out at a bar, (I know, stop meeting men at bars! I get it!!). Anywho, we had some good conversation, and I gave him my number. It was a standard meeting…nothing out of the ordinary. John called later and asked me out for a date. He really didn’t say much about where we’d be going. He picked me up and things seemed to going ok on the ride.
Until John pulled up to a church.
Now, I don’t want to come across as anti-God or anti-religion or anything like that…BUT WHO TAKES SOMEONE TO A CHURCH ON A FIRST DATE?!?!! It wasn’t even for something like bingo, or volunteering or anything like that, it was for an actual service! And if that wasn’t weird enough, he introduced me to HIS MOTHER!!
There are so many things wrong with this situation that I don’t think I’ll even get them all! Sure, parents have always liked me, but I don’t want to meet them in a church on the very first date!! Further more, communion does not count as dinner and drinks. There was no warning either--I have never literally prayed so hard for a date to be over!
*As usual the names have been changed.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!
Becca came in this weekend for the all important BEARS GAME!! The weekend started Friday, so that Becca could get her Leona's Fix (Hey, they don't have Leona's in the QCA.) Then we decided to keep it mellow...by going bowling.
Check out that form!
I think I bowled my best game ever! (And by best I mean, I suck! Look at that split!!)
Saturday was spent around town, and ended with Becca's first trip to the redone Soldier Field.
I'm not going to make any comments about the game...you all saw it, Bears won 31-28. What I do take major issue with is the fact that they stopped serving beer 5 minutes in to the third quarter. WTF?!?! If you weren't in the rediculously slow lines at half time, you were basiclly screwed! I got in line with 30 seconds left in the second quarter and I wasn't served until right at the cut off. I got the last beers before the alcohol cut off. There were some very angry Bears fans in the line behind me.
Check out that form!
I think I bowled my best game ever! (And by best I mean, I suck! Look at that split!!)Saturday was spent around town, and ended with Becca's first trip to the redone Soldier Field.Here's a bit of the game:
Yes, I did think it was necessary to paint my face (with glitter) for the game.
Yes, I did think it was necessary to paint my face (with glitter) for the game.I'm not going to make any comments about the game...you all saw it, Bears won 31-28. What I do take major issue with is the fact that they stopped serving beer 5 minutes in to the third quarter. WTF?!?! If you weren't in the rediculously slow lines at half time, you were basiclly screwed! I got in line with 30 seconds left in the second quarter and I wasn't served until right at the cut off. I got the last beers before the alcohol cut off. There were some very angry Bears fans in the line behind me. Aside from that annoyance, it was an excellent weekend--GO BEARS!!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Me vs. August
I'm starting to think that the end of August doesn't like me. I'm tired of bad news, miscommunications, crabby people and people just sucking in general.
There was some issues at school that were annoying. I had a AWFUL blood test--(So bad that I not only vomited, but I also passed out--and the results weren't good either.). And on the drive home today, some crabby old man was on my ass honking and swearing at me (yes, I do see the irony). The mail guy keeps delivering my Sports Illustrated and Time Outs (as well as other magazines) late. My stalker had reappeared (I had hoped to be stalker free in '07). My Trib hasn't been at my house before 9:30 am in weeks.... It's not just this August, either...I can think back several years of sucky Augusts.
I can't decide if I need to better my karma or if I should just hide under the bed.
At least my Bears and Cubbies are doing well...(Somebody, knock on wood...August doesn't like me, remember?)
There was some issues at school that were annoying. I had a AWFUL blood test--(So bad that I not only vomited, but I also passed out--and the results weren't good either.). And on the drive home today, some crabby old man was on my ass honking and swearing at me (yes, I do see the irony). The mail guy keeps delivering my Sports Illustrated and Time Outs (as well as other magazines) late. My stalker had reappeared (I had hoped to be stalker free in '07). My Trib hasn't been at my house before 9:30 am in weeks.... It's not just this August, either...I can think back several years of sucky Augusts.
I can't decide if I need to better my karma or if I should just hide under the bed.
At least my Bears and Cubbies are doing well...(Somebody, knock on wood...August doesn't like me, remember?)
Friday, August 17, 2007
Interesting Sobriety Test
I was just puttering around online and I discovered this article. A German taxi company is sponsoring a video game that’s attached to a urinal. Based on the control of the urine stream, a car is driven on the video screen. If you crash the car, you’re obviously “too pissed to drive” and a number is given for a cab company.
Questions/comments I have about the game:
--How does one go in reverse?
--In my experience, men have a tendency to miss when they’re stone sober…how are you going to judge sobriety based on aim?
--Is there a female version? How would that work? Chicks don’t stand up to pee.
--This definitely gives a whole new meaning to “Joy Stick”.
--What happens if you don’t have enough urine to play the game?
--What if the TVs get changed to Sports Center?
--Are there other games besides a racing game to choose from…maybe Whak-a-Mole? (pun completely intended).
--Can you race others using the restroom at the same time?
--How do you accelerate or shift?
-- If this was installed in a place like ESPN Zone or Dave and Buster’s would it give you prize tickets?
--Can you save your high scores?
--Does the old adage “If you shake it more than twice then it’s considered playing with yourself” still apply?
--How does the bar enforce the call to the cab company?
--Could you have a designated pee-er?
--Does the slogan of “Let your toilet become interactive” bother anyone else?!?!? I don’t think I want my toilet to be too interactive.
I guess this is a good idea…but I’d hate to feel left out because all my friends were playing video games in the bathroom. I wonder how long before something like this crosses the pond.
Questions/comments I have about the game:
--How does one go in reverse?
--In my experience, men have a tendency to miss when they’re stone sober…how are you going to judge sobriety based on aim?
--Is there a female version? How would that work? Chicks don’t stand up to pee.
--This definitely gives a whole new meaning to “Joy Stick”.
--What happens if you don’t have enough urine to play the game?
--What if the TVs get changed to Sports Center?
--Are there other games besides a racing game to choose from…maybe Whak-a-Mole? (pun completely intended).
--Can you race others using the restroom at the same time?
--How do you accelerate or shift?
-- If this was installed in a place like ESPN Zone or Dave and Buster’s would it give you prize tickets?
--Can you save your high scores?
--Does the old adage “If you shake it more than twice then it’s considered playing with yourself” still apply?
--How does the bar enforce the call to the cab company?
--Could you have a designated pee-er?
--Does the slogan of “Let your toilet become interactive” bother anyone else?!?!? I don’t think I want my toilet to be too interactive.
I guess this is a good idea…but I’d hate to feel left out because all my friends were playing video games in the bathroom. I wonder how long before something like this crosses the pond.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
I swear I'm a grown-up!!!
I stopped by my old school to visit Linda, my former co-art teacher and pick up some donated supplies for my classroom. And we got to talking and I offered her some fresh veggies from about my garden. She had a lunch meeting to go to, so I said I’d bring them to her later that after noon.
When I brought them over, she was working in the bookstore. I waited in line so that I could pass them to her and one of the new teachers that were helping her asked me if I wanted to buy a PE uniform or needed to purchase any supply cards.
Are you kidding me? I’m sooooo not a high school student. Maybe I look young, but I didn’t think I’d be mistaken for a kid! I guess I’d rather look young for my age, than older—but I swear I’m a grown up!!
When I brought them over, she was working in the bookstore. I waited in line so that I could pass them to her and one of the new teachers that were helping her asked me if I wanted to buy a PE uniform or needed to purchase any supply cards.
Are you kidding me? I’m sooooo not a high school student. Maybe I look young, but I didn’t think I’d be mistaken for a kid! I guess I’d rather look young for my age, than older—but I swear I’m a grown up!!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Does this count as a chapter for the Frog Chronicles?
This evening, my doorbell rang. Now, I don't usually answer the door if I'm not expecting anyone, but I do check to see who is hanging out on my front porch. I checked through the incessant ringing and knocking and there were three teen-aged boys (late high school age) on my front steps. After about 5 minutes of non-stop knocking, I opened the door with my trusty golf club (thank you, Big John!) to see what they wanted.
They were soliciting window estimates in the neighborhood. I just stared...seriously? That's worth being that annoying? Anywho, I declined their offer for an estimate. One of the boys thanked me for my time, told me to have a good evening and then said "You have really great legs."
Wha?? Did I actually hear that? I asked "What did you just say?" He turned back, stuttered something incoherent and ran down the steps. His buddies were laughing at him.
How is this good business practice? How icky is it being checked out by 17 year olds?
EW! I should have taken a swing with the golf club.
They were soliciting window estimates in the neighborhood. I just stared...seriously? That's worth being that annoying? Anywho, I declined their offer for an estimate. One of the boys thanked me for my time, told me to have a good evening and then said "You have really great legs."
Wha?? Did I actually hear that? I asked "What did you just say?" He turned back, stuttered something incoherent and ran down the steps. His buddies were laughing at him.
How is this good business practice? How icky is it being checked out by 17 year olds?
EW! I should have taken a swing with the golf club.
Kick Ass
Aw, Barb!! I'm not sure if I kicked ass, but I sure as hell tried!!!
Thank you, so much!
(Just so you know, I’ve been singing “Cuz’ that’s what Brian Boytano’d do!” since I got my mail…)
(Just so you know, I’ve been singing “Cuz’ that’s what Brian Boytano’d do!” since I got my mail…)
Sunday, August 12, 2007
13.1 Reasons to Smile
I did it!!! First ½ Marathon!! (insert happy dance here Woo-Hoo!!)
This morning was the Chicago Distance Classic and while there’s a strong possibility it’s due to a runner’s high, I never thought I’d run 13.1 miles and have this big of a smile on my face!! (Still doing the happy dance)
It wasn’t all smooth sailing; I did hit a few speed bumps. The first slight problem was around mile six…my iPod ran out of juice. After I quit swearing, I started singing to myself in my head. (Did you know “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” and the “Alphabet Song” have the same tune? My profound discovery around mile 7). The second came between miles nine and ten...my lungs decided that they had had enough. If I didn’t slow down to walk they were going to revolt with an asthma attack. While my legs wanted to keep going, I decided that a nice little walk break was in order. The last problem didn’t present itself until much later in the day…the sun wasn’t up at 4:30 when I woke up, but sunblock would have been a really smart choice (not that my sports bra burn line isn’t sexy). Two out of three of those bumps are fixable… Memo to me: 1) Charge iPod, 2) Slather on the SPF.
It was a great race! Thank you to everyone who sent their advice and well wishes for this race…as well as telling me that I’d do all right (Chris), and not die (Barb), or even that I’m crazy (Mom). I’m a little sad I have to wait until January before I run another 1/2 marathon. But until then I have a big honkin’ penguin medal, a little bit of bragging rights, and an excuse to keep doing the happy dance!
PS---Happy Birthday to Meghan!!!
This morning was the Chicago Distance Classic and while there’s a strong possibility it’s due to a runner’s high, I never thought I’d run 13.1 miles and have this big of a smile on my face!! (Still doing the happy dance)
It wasn’t all smooth sailing; I did hit a few speed bumps. The first slight problem was around mile six…my iPod ran out of juice. After I quit swearing, I started singing to myself in my head. (Did you know “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” and the “Alphabet Song” have the same tune? My profound discovery around mile 7). The second came between miles nine and ten...my lungs decided that they had had enough. If I didn’t slow down to walk they were going to revolt with an asthma attack. While my legs wanted to keep going, I decided that a nice little walk break was in order. The last problem didn’t present itself until much later in the day…the sun wasn’t up at 4:30 when I woke up, but sunblock would have been a really smart choice (not that my sports bra burn line isn’t sexy). Two out of three of those bumps are fixable… Memo to me: 1) Charge iPod, 2) Slather on the SPF.
It was a great race! Thank you to everyone who sent their advice and well wishes for this race…as well as telling me that I’d do all right (Chris), and not die (Barb), or even that I’m crazy (Mom). I’m a little sad I have to wait until January before I run another 1/2 marathon. But until then I have a big honkin’ penguin medal, a little bit of bragging rights, and an excuse to keep doing the happy dance!
PS---Happy Birthday to Meghan!!!
Monday, August 6, 2007
Freezing Ice Bucket-O-Fun
I did something to the arch of my foot. I’m not really sure what I did, but I noticed yesterday that it was quite tender to the touch. I tried rubbing it a little before my run this morning, but I had to cut the run short. I even tried stretching it a little more this evening. No good.
Due to my years of being an athlete, working as a student trainer and the well known fact that I’m accident prone; I’ve spent my fair share of time in the training room. Therefore, I have a basic knowledge of first aid for sports injuries. 99% of the time the correct answer for an injury is ice. I’m sure most of you from Luther can probably still hear Mr. Miller, in his Eeyore-esque voice, saying “Ice it”.
The ice pack wasn’t cutting it. I couldn’t find my standard peas in the freezer (I hope my parents didn’t eat those while they were here visiting—ew!). Frozen peas are the best for molding to the shape of the injury and refreezing quickly (just don’t eat them after all the freezing and unfreezing!). So I did what I had to do…I filled a bucket with ice and water to soak my poor foot.
Clearly it’s been a while since I’ve needed this remedy because the second my foot took the plunge--HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!! I forgot how much that sucks!! Seriously, there was a day when I would ask the trainers to add more ice to the whirl pool because the temperature had gotten up to 55 degrees. I’d be perfectly content sitting on the edge of the whirl pool, wearing a sweatshirt and shorts, drawing the alphabet with my toes. This first soaking in a long time caused quite the string of obscenities. Fortunately, once I calmed down, I remembered that the soaking does get better…no matter how cold the water your feet will eventually go numb.
Hopefully this will work the kinks out of my poor arch…until then pay no attention to the Tourette's style screaming coming from my house.
**This post was written while my feet were in the freezing ice bucket-o-fun.
Due to my years of being an athlete, working as a student trainer and the well known fact that I’m accident prone; I’ve spent my fair share of time in the training room. Therefore, I have a basic knowledge of first aid for sports injuries. 99% of the time the correct answer for an injury is ice. I’m sure most of you from Luther can probably still hear Mr. Miller, in his Eeyore-esque voice, saying “Ice it”.
The ice pack wasn’t cutting it. I couldn’t find my standard peas in the freezer (I hope my parents didn’t eat those while they were here visiting—ew!). Frozen peas are the best for molding to the shape of the injury and refreezing quickly (just don’t eat them after all the freezing and unfreezing!). So I did what I had to do…I filled a bucket with ice and water to soak my poor foot.
Clearly it’s been a while since I’ve needed this remedy because the second my foot took the plunge--HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!! I forgot how much that sucks!! Seriously, there was a day when I would ask the trainers to add more ice to the whirl pool because the temperature had gotten up to 55 degrees. I’d be perfectly content sitting on the edge of the whirl pool, wearing a sweatshirt and shorts, drawing the alphabet with my toes. This first soaking in a long time caused quite the string of obscenities. Fortunately, once I calmed down, I remembered that the soaking does get better…no matter how cold the water your feet will eventually go numb.
Hopefully this will work the kinks out of my poor arch…until then pay no attention to the Tourette's style screaming coming from my house.
**This post was written while my feet were in the freezing ice bucket-o-fun.
When mattresses attack!
Due to my race on Sunday I’ve been a bundle of nerves! I’m certain that I’ve been driving every one I know (especially Barb), crazy. As a result I’ve been trying to harness this nervous energy by cleaning out every nook, cranny, and closet in my house. I’m sure it would serve me better to just clean my house, but I’m not going to question this motivation. I already have several boxes for Am-vets when the come by next week.
Anywho, today I’ve been working on laundry including my sheets. I realized that I’ve neglected to flip my new mattress since I’ve gotten it last month (oops!). It’s a lovely comfy mattress that is a joy to sleep on…however it’s not so much the joy to flip. The damn thing is heavy!! I struggled to flip it up on its side when I realized that Seamus had wandered into the room and was sniffing under the bed. Not wanting Seamus to get smooshed in the process I tried to shoo him away with my foot. In doing so, I lost my balance and the mattress came crashing down creating a Bethie sandwich between itself and the box springs.
Yeah, it was super fun trying to wiggle out from under that. Thank goodness this was not a situation where I'd need to call Meg to get me unstuck from something. (Come on, you know you all were thinking it!)
I’m currently taking applications for an assistant mattress flipper. No experience necessary, but brut strength and a better sense of balence than I is required.
Anywho, today I’ve been working on laundry including my sheets. I realized that I’ve neglected to flip my new mattress since I’ve gotten it last month (oops!). It’s a lovely comfy mattress that is a joy to sleep on…however it’s not so much the joy to flip. The damn thing is heavy!! I struggled to flip it up on its side when I realized that Seamus had wandered into the room and was sniffing under the bed. Not wanting Seamus to get smooshed in the process I tried to shoo him away with my foot. In doing so, I lost my balance and the mattress came crashing down creating a Bethie sandwich between itself and the box springs.
Yeah, it was super fun trying to wiggle out from under that. Thank goodness this was not a situation where I'd need to call Meg to get me unstuck from something. (Come on, you know you all were thinking it!)
I’m currently taking applications for an assistant mattress flipper. No experience necessary, but brut strength and a better sense of balence than I is required.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
For the Love of the Game…
It finally happened. Barry Bonds tied Hank Aaron’s all time home run record. It’s probably a happy day for some baseball fans, however I can’t help feeling a little sad.
Maybe I’m just an old soul, but it seems the good old days are gone. At this point you’d have to have been unfrozen from a glacier to not realize that steroid use is rampant in MLB, and probably most other sports for that matter. While, even in the middle of my rant, I can admit that that hitting 755 homeruns is an amazing feat, how much more awesome would it be if this record wasn’t accompanied by an asterisk for juicing. (And yes, I know Bonds denies these allegations.)
Furthermore, Bonds has stated that he’s only going to play in home games so he can break the record at home. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? (Can you tell I’m fired up?) What happened to team work? What happened to playing a sport for the shear love of the game? When did professional athletes become bigger princesses than the ones at Disney World? This is beyond aggravating!! Is he that useless of a left fielder that his sole purpose to hit homeruns? For a man who’s making 20 million a year, I think he should get his ass out on the field and play. In addition, if I was playing a professional sport, I think it would be even more fulfilling to break a record in someone else’s field…like if a Cub broke a record in St. Louis for example.
I guess I should be used to baseball breaking my heart, after all—I am a life long Cubs fan.
Sigh, it’s a good thing football season is starting up…
Maybe I’m just an old soul, but it seems the good old days are gone. At this point you’d have to have been unfrozen from a glacier to not realize that steroid use is rampant in MLB, and probably most other sports for that matter. While, even in the middle of my rant, I can admit that that hitting 755 homeruns is an amazing feat, how much more awesome would it be if this record wasn’t accompanied by an asterisk for juicing. (And yes, I know Bonds denies these allegations.)
Furthermore, Bonds has stated that he’s only going to play in home games so he can break the record at home. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? (Can you tell I’m fired up?) What happened to team work? What happened to playing a sport for the shear love of the game? When did professional athletes become bigger princesses than the ones at Disney World? This is beyond aggravating!! Is he that useless of a left fielder that his sole purpose to hit homeruns? For a man who’s making 20 million a year, I think he should get his ass out on the field and play. In addition, if I was playing a professional sport, I think it would be even more fulfilling to break a record in someone else’s field…like if a Cub broke a record in St. Louis for example.
I guess I should be used to baseball breaking my heart, after all—I am a life long Cubs fan.
Sigh, it’s a good thing football season is starting up…
Friday, July 6, 2007
Introduction to The Frog Chronicles
Lately, it seems that I’ve been on one bad date after another. That psychic at the Cake concert totally lied about my love life! Anywho, due to the popular demand of my friends I’ve decided to blog about the bad dates. Sure, some are worse than others, but in hindsight, I can at least laugh!! So starting this summer, I’ll add a feature to my blog as the Frog Chronicles. Because as my mom says, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.” I’m starting to think that I need to tell mom that I need to find a new pond!
To start out, we go back a few months. I had a date with this guy Chad*. We headed to Mike's Ale House for some drinks and eventually headed to Mother Hubbard’s for a change of scenery. The date seemed to start off well. He’s a little younger than I, but I figured what the hell, we had a lot to talk about. As the date went on, some of his friends stopped by…they seemed drunk but not bad. Things seemed to be going well, until his cell phone rang.
Now I understand the value of the “emergency” phone call when you’re out on a date. You know, the one where your friend calls and says “something bad happened” to get you out of there if things aren’t going well? (Come on, admit it! We’ve all done it!!). This call was much worse.
First of all, it was not good that he answered the phone. Secondly, I could hear that the voice on the other end of the line was a woman…not good. Finally, (this one’s the kicker) he told her that “I love you” not once but twice!! What the hell?!!? Am I not sitting right next to you?!?! Are you kidding me?!?!
After he finished the conversation I didn’t say anything. He plowed in to an explanation that the woman was his sister (he mentioned earlier that he only had brothers) and that they were very close. I just stared at him for a moment and said “How stupid do you think I am?”
He kept babbling that she wasn’t actually his sister, rather just a very close friend and proceeded to show me her picture on his phone (which by the way, was a pic of her sleeping—weird). At that point I said to him “I wasn’t born yesterday. Clearly that’s either your girlfriend, and you’re a cheater, or that really is your sister and you’re some kind of an incestuous freak—which guy do you want to be?” He opened his mouth as if to respond, stopped and said “Um, I gotta go” and left.
Seriously? WTF!?! At least it was a good time until the phone call!
*due to the delicate nature of the situation, the names have been changed.
To start out, we go back a few months. I had a date with this guy Chad*. We headed to Mike's Ale House for some drinks and eventually headed to Mother Hubbard’s for a change of scenery. The date seemed to start off well. He’s a little younger than I, but I figured what the hell, we had a lot to talk about. As the date went on, some of his friends stopped by…they seemed drunk but not bad. Things seemed to be going well, until his cell phone rang.
Now I understand the value of the “emergency” phone call when you’re out on a date. You know, the one where your friend calls and says “something bad happened” to get you out of there if things aren’t going well? (Come on, admit it! We’ve all done it!!). This call was much worse.
First of all, it was not good that he answered the phone. Secondly, I could hear that the voice on the other end of the line was a woman…not good. Finally, (this one’s the kicker) he told her that “I love you” not once but twice!! What the hell?!!? Am I not sitting right next to you?!?! Are you kidding me?!?!
After he finished the conversation I didn’t say anything. He plowed in to an explanation that the woman was his sister (he mentioned earlier that he only had brothers) and that they were very close. I just stared at him for a moment and said “How stupid do you think I am?”
He kept babbling that she wasn’t actually his sister, rather just a very close friend and proceeded to show me her picture on his phone (which by the way, was a pic of her sleeping—weird). At that point I said to him “I wasn’t born yesterday. Clearly that’s either your girlfriend, and you’re a cheater, or that really is your sister and you’re some kind of an incestuous freak—which guy do you want to be?” He opened his mouth as if to respond, stopped and said “Um, I gotta go” and left.
Seriously? WTF!?! At least it was a good time until the phone call!
*due to the delicate nature of the situation, the names have been changed.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
5.4 Horsepower
I've spent the last few days working on the house. One of the huge projects that needed to be done was staining the deck. It probably should have been done last summer, but it just didn't happen. So, with this recent bout of cool weather, I decided to tackle the project. I started on Thursday by scubbing, cleaning and preping. Then Friday, Saturday and today was spent actually staining it. It seems like there were a million ballisters (really only 150). It was taking way longer than anticipated, so I decided that before I became a danger to myself or others, that I needed a paint sprayer to help get the job done faster! The 5.4 hp paint sprayer came in handy for the areas with the lattice...and lets face it, I'm a wiz with spray paint, so the spray job looks awesome! 
I'm still not completely finished. I have the main parts done, but I still have to touch a few areas up, paint around the windows and doors of the hut and get all my plants a grill back on the deck. Thank God I went a bought a paint sprayer or I'd have much more than one more day of work! I think I'll take a break from it for a few days...I just can't handle anymore stain!! (Check out the half that is finished!--Lookin' sharp, if I do say so myself!)
I'm still not completely finished. I have the main parts done, but I still have to touch a few areas up, paint around the windows and doors of the hut and get all my plants a grill back on the deck. Thank God I went a bought a paint sprayer or I'd have much more than one more day of work! I think I'll take a break from it for a few days...I just can't handle anymore stain!! (Check out the half that is finished!--Lookin' sharp, if I do say so myself!)
Sunday, June 24, 2007
I Heart Tiger Balm
Today was the Downers Grove 10 miler—and I rocked!!
Of course I was slower than most, but I didn’t get lapped until Mile 4…not bad! I finished the race in 2:05: ish (will update when times are posted). That’s a 12:30 mile pace. I was just happy to finish! But when I saw the finish clock, I was so happy with my time! This is the farthest distance I’ve ever run!
It was a course with some rolling hills. Some of them I needed to walk up (along with the water stops), but for the most part, I ran the majority of the race. Really, the biggest problem was the squished cicadas making parts of the course slippery... and the grossness of one hitting me in the face while I was running (EW!--pay no attention, to that earlier post, I've seen 'em--they can go away now!)
This race really makes me feel better about the half marathon. I just need to keep up with my training and I’m feeling pretty confidant I won’t embarrass myself!
And now, I’m so ready for next year’s Soldier Field 10 Mile! I want to do it because it finishes on the 50 yard line of my beloved Bears Stadium…I guarantee you, after I cross that finish line I’ll be making grass angels on the field! :)
Thanks, Barb for the countless pep-talks and awesome Running Mix!! I couldn’t have done it with out you! And thanks to Mom and Jack for waiting at the finish line to cheer me on…it got a little lonely out there!! And of course to Tiger Balm…for making my legs just a little less achy.
Of course I was slower than most, but I didn’t get lapped until Mile 4…not bad! I finished the race in 2:05: ish (will update when times are posted). That’s a 12:30 mile pace. I was just happy to finish! But when I saw the finish clock, I was so happy with my time! This is the farthest distance I’ve ever run!
It was a course with some rolling hills. Some of them I needed to walk up (along with the water stops), but for the most part, I ran the majority of the race. Really, the biggest problem was the squished cicadas making parts of the course slippery... and the grossness of one hitting me in the face while I was running (EW!--pay no attention, to that earlier post, I've seen 'em--they can go away now!)
This race really makes me feel better about the half marathon. I just need to keep up with my training and I’m feeling pretty confidant I won’t embarrass myself!
And now, I’m so ready for next year’s Soldier Field 10 Mile! I want to do it because it finishes on the 50 yard line of my beloved Bears Stadium…I guarantee you, after I cross that finish line I’ll be making grass angels on the field! :)
Thanks, Barb for the countless pep-talks and awesome Running Mix!! I couldn’t have done it with out you! And thanks to Mom and Jack for waiting at the finish line to cheer me on…it got a little lonely out there!! And of course to Tiger Balm…for making my legs just a little less achy.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Up in my grill!
It’s a sad day in my world…I’ve had to say goodbye to an old friend…my grill died. I’ve had it for at least eight years, and it’s been faithful through many a party and Superbowl. It was a hand-me down grill, that had quite a long life. Sure, it’s been slow the last couple of years (on life support, if you will) but it’s finally gone to that big barbeque in the sky…
A moment of silence please.
Life goes on, and I still crave grilled meat…so I headed to the ‘Po (Home Depot, for those of you non-native Bethie speakers) for a new back yard friend. So many to choose from, but I finally decided on a four-burner, silver Char-Broil with side burner.
Some assembly is required...
Ok, a LOT of assembly…
They sent this “castor wrench” which totally sucked. Thank God I have my own tools…which are much superior.
And my drill made assembly go all the quicker!
What’s this Spider Warning?!?! You know I have issues with things with more than four legs! My grill needs to be spider free!
Here she is, in all her glory!!
Thanks to Becca for my new Chicago Bears Grilling utensils…check out that flipper with the etched bear face!!
A moment of silence please.Life goes on, and I still crave grilled meat…so I headed to the ‘Po (Home Depot, for those of you non-native Bethie speakers) for a new back yard friend. So many to choose from, but I finally decided on a four-burner, silver Char-Broil with side burner.
Some assembly is required...
Ok, a LOT of assembly…
They sent this “castor wrench” which totally sucked. Thank God I have my own tools…which are much superior.
And my drill made assembly go all the quicker!What’s this Spider Warning?!?! You know I have issues with things with more than four legs! My grill needs to be spider free!
Here she is, in all her glory!!
Thanks to Becca for my new Chicago Bears Grilling utensils…check out that flipper with the etched bear face!!Mmmm…Burgers! (Check out those grill marks!)
They were eventually cheeseburgers, but they didn’t last long enough to photograph.
They were eventually cheeseburgers, but they didn’t last long enough to photograph.
Yeah, bad ass new grill!
Monday, June 18, 2007
Up One
Periodically I get updates on my Season Ticket Status. Basicly, it's the letter that says, 'Sorry, chump, you still gotta wait!' I always get so excited when I see it because I think I must have moved up in the last few months. This time, I didn't move up quite so much...I went from 2572 to.... (drumroll please)...2571.
Thank you, Chicago Bears for keeping me in the loop.
((sigh)) Someday, those tickets will be mine. Oh yes, they will be mine!
Thank you, Chicago Bears for keeping me in the loop.
((sigh)) Someday, those tickets will be mine. Oh yes, they will be mine!
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Where are they?
It's been 17 year since they've made their last apperance, and yet I haven't seen even one. It's the year of the Cicada. I haven't heard or seen one of those little buggers. With all the hype, I have to say, I'm a little disappointed! I hear in other areas of the city they're quite the problem...shoveling them off driveways, gulls investing neighborhoods looking for a tasty treat...my area? NOTHING.
Anyone have any good cicada stories? 'Cuz, I don't!
Anyone have any good cicada stories? 'Cuz, I don't!
Monday, June 4, 2007
More things I do...
On Sunday, I completed my first 10K... I discovered what people mean when they say they hit the wall...that was between miles 4 and 5 for me. Anywho, I finished!! 1:21:33 which was a sad 13:10 mile spit, but for the record I wasn't in last place even for my age group. (close, but not dead last!)
And now, I've done something stupid...you've heard me say this before, and this time it's more stupid. I registered for the Chicago Distance Classic. It's a half marathon downtown. EEK! It's just 10 weeks away... Training plan...need to find a training plan...
Barb, what have you done to me?!!
And now, I've done something stupid...you've heard me say this before, and this time it's more stupid. I registered for the Chicago Distance Classic. It's a half marathon downtown. EEK! It's just 10 weeks away... Training plan...need to find a training plan...
Barb, what have you done to me?!!
Friday, June 1, 2007
Spider Bitten
I was logging on to check my e-mail when I noticed this article on MSN. It’s about the Chilean equivalent of the black widow spider. Apparently, while the bite can be fatal to children and the elderly, the spider’s venom also causes erections that can last for several days. Authorities are looking in to the obvious uses for this as a competition to Viagra and Cialias.
This is so bizarre! Granted I’m freaked out by anything with more than four legs, I can’t imagine relying on an arachnid to ensure sexual function. I get the whole “better living through chemistry” thing, and I realize that most medicines are derived from natural compounds, but spider venom?--sounds too voodoo to me.
Furthermore, thinking about the black market potential sounds awful! Currently, people head to Canada for cheaper prescription drugs, how much more weird is it going to be when I hear Grandpa say that he’s hopping on a bus to Chile! And what about dealers…walking around with jars with wholes punched in them with the actually spider inside—Ick! Or even worse, having a bogus spider in the jar that would either kill you or do nothing (I’m not a man, so I can’t weigh in as to which is worse.).
On the other hand, the marketing potential is amazing! If Ditka is the spokes man for Cialias, this drug would have to use your friendly neighborhood Spider Man. Imagine the connotations behind getting webbed! And the obvious choice for a nemesis in this case would be Sandman, due to the sands of time image with things just “slipping away”(I know Barb’s picturing the “Melty Man” from Coupling).
I’m not sure how I feel about this whole thing. I guess if I needed the drug and it worked and didn’t know where it came from… Maybe this could convince male lawmakers to help save the rainforests…it’s certainly an interesting angle (Save the Rainforests and Save your Erection!). I guess it’s proof that you never know where new drugs could be discovered!
This is so bizarre! Granted I’m freaked out by anything with more than four legs, I can’t imagine relying on an arachnid to ensure sexual function. I get the whole “better living through chemistry” thing, and I realize that most medicines are derived from natural compounds, but spider venom?--sounds too voodoo to me.
Furthermore, thinking about the black market potential sounds awful! Currently, people head to Canada for cheaper prescription drugs, how much more weird is it going to be when I hear Grandpa say that he’s hopping on a bus to Chile! And what about dealers…walking around with jars with wholes punched in them with the actually spider inside—Ick! Or even worse, having a bogus spider in the jar that would either kill you or do nothing (I’m not a man, so I can’t weigh in as to which is worse.).
On the other hand, the marketing potential is amazing! If Ditka is the spokes man for Cialias, this drug would have to use your friendly neighborhood Spider Man. Imagine the connotations behind getting webbed! And the obvious choice for a nemesis in this case would be Sandman, due to the sands of time image with things just “slipping away”(I know Barb’s picturing the “Melty Man” from Coupling).
I’m not sure how I feel about this whole thing. I guess if I needed the drug and it worked and didn’t know where it came from… Maybe this could convince male lawmakers to help save the rainforests…it’s certainly an interesting angle (Save the Rainforests and Save your Erection!). I guess it’s proof that you never know where new drugs could be discovered!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tales, Part VII (Oh, the things I’d be thinkin’…)
Today one of my students left their backpack in my classroom. I unzipped it to see whose it was so I could return it. I opened the front pocket and found a little baggy with something white in it. The outside of the bag was sticky. I honestly thought it was a piece of cooked chicken breast. But then I realized that my kids are on the free lunch program. What was this white thing in a baggy?? Upon further inspection I realized what it was…
a brain!! EW!! What child keeps a brain in a baggy, in their book bag?!?! I was so utterly grossed out!!
I put it back in the book bag and walked the back pack up to the student’s classroom. I made him throw it away. Apparently he had gotten it from one of the Science teachers. It was a sheep’s brain. The science club had dissected them a month ago!!
UGH!! I touched brain juice—YUCK!!
a brain!! EW!! What child keeps a brain in a baggy, in their book bag?!?! I was so utterly grossed out!!
I put it back in the book bag and walked the back pack up to the student’s classroom. I made him throw it away. Apparently he had gotten it from one of the Science teachers. It was a sheep’s brain. The science club had dissected them a month ago!!
UGH!! I touched brain juice—YUCK!!
Monday, May 28, 2007
Mad-City Runs
This weekend was the Madison Marathon! No worries, I'm not the crazy one doing that...I left the 26.2 miles to Sarah and Barb. We headed out on Saturday night, and thanks to our gracious host Darryl we had a place to stay!
I ran the 6K, so I was done much sooner than Sarah and Barb. I walked around Bratfest. I even found a shirt that said "Will Run for Beer, Brats and Cheese" (totally made for me!) I also made some friends! This woman raises CCI puppies, just like mom! Look! He finished the half marathon!! :)
Sarah finishes strong...and as you can see--She's AWESOME!
I ran the 6K, so I was done much sooner than Sarah and Barb. I walked around Bratfest. I even found a shirt that said "Will Run for Beer, Brats and Cheese" (totally made for me!) I also made some friends! This woman raises CCI puppies, just like mom! Look! He finished the half marathon!! :)
Sarah finishes strong...and as you can see--She's AWESOME!
Here's all three of us happy to be finished, and yes this is Barb's first Marathon as a doctor!
It was a fun weekend--Thanks again to Darryl!!
It was a fun weekend--Thanks again to Darryl!! Friday, May 25, 2007
Ok, I'm just whining.
I have the worst sinus infection ever--I stayed home from work yesterday to sleep. It's actually spread to my ears it's so bad. UGH. I feel like OIA (to those of you non-Augie/SPD's, that's "Open Infected Ass"). My doctor actually gave me a months (30 days) worth of antibiotics. I swear, with that much in my system, I'll cough and cure 6 people. To add insult to injury, I have a 6K on Sunday and haven't done any running all week. I feel so unprepared. If that wasn't enough, I have a 10K on deck for next weekend. If my sinuses don't kill me the races might--no matter what Barb says.
I tried to cheer myself up this afternoon by going to Dairy Queen and getting a Brownie Batter Blizzard. They said they couldn't make it. I decided a that I would make do with a Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Blizzard...with extra Hot Fudge.
Hey, a girl's gotta do, what a girls gotta do. Time to get chip-faced!
And on a random side note, I totally rocked the Jeporady catagory of "I'm Not Wearing Any Pants" on the show today. (It's true! But I only added it because the catagory name was funny--and if it's not funny to you, maybe it's the drugs and cold medicine that I'm taking...)
I tried to cheer myself up this afternoon by going to Dairy Queen and getting a Brownie Batter Blizzard. They said they couldn't make it. I decided a that I would make do with a Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Blizzard...with extra Hot Fudge.
Hey, a girl's gotta do, what a girls gotta do. Time to get chip-faced!
And on a random side note, I totally rocked the Jeporady catagory of "I'm Not Wearing Any Pants" on the show today. (It's true! But I only added it because the catagory name was funny--and if it's not funny to you, maybe it's the drugs and cold medicine that I'm taking...)
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
God Save the Queen!
Huge Congratualtions to Rebekah Foreinger!!
She was crowned Mrs. Pennsylvania 2007! I'm so proud of her--she's totally my sunshine (and most of you know what a high complement that is for me!).
She was crowned Mrs. Pennsylvania 2007! I'm so proud of her--she's totally my sunshine (and most of you know what a high complement that is for me!).
Beka will be competing for the national title in July (Las Vegas here I come!). I'm so proud of her, I knew she would do it!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
The things I do...
I did something stupid today. Not really stupid, just stupid.
I registered for the Disney World Half Marathon. (Because really stupid would have been the full marathon!). 13.2 miles seems really far right now. It's a good thing I didn't let Barb talk me into the full, or worse--the event she's doing. It's the aptly named "Goofy's Challenge", where you run both the half marathon and the full marathon in the same weekend.
Why do I let Barb talk me into these things? Oh, yeah--I need Donald Duck shaped medal!
I registered for the Disney World Half Marathon. (Because really stupid would have been the full marathon!). 13.2 miles seems really far right now. It's a good thing I didn't let Barb talk me into the full, or worse--the event she's doing. It's the aptly named "Goofy's Challenge", where you run both the half marathon and the full marathon in the same weekend.
Why do I let Barb talk me into these things? Oh, yeah--I need Donald Duck shaped medal!
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Pomp and Circumstance
Barb has done it. She has gone hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt to achieve her dream. That’s right, she has graduated from med school.
Yeah Dr. Barb!!
In honor of your accomplishment and your match to the University of Utah, I have done my research to help you learn about your new home!
Barb’s Utah Fact’s Post
Yeah Dr. Barb!!
In honor of your accomplishment and your match to the University of Utah, I have done my research to help you learn about your new home!
Barb’s Utah Fact’s Post
• State Capital - Salt Lake City (Barb’s new home!)
• Statehood Day - January 4, 1896 (45 out of 50)
• The name "Utah" comes from the Native American "Ute" tribe and means people of the mountains. (Barb, I will now be calling you Mountain girl!)
• Highest Point: Kings Peak 13,528 ft Lowest Point: Beaver Dam Wash 2,350 ft. Utah is 84,900 square miles and ranked 11th largest state in the U.S. (Big beaver to make that large of a dam)
• Utah has the highest literacy rate in the nation. Ninety-four percent of residents age 20 and over can read, and write and 89.3 percent have graduated from high school. (So, in theory, you have less dumb-asses to treat.)
• Utah was founded by Brigham Young, who moved the Mormans from the east to flee from oppression. When he found Salt Lake Valley, he decide “this is the place”.
• Utah has one of the only stretches of the Pony Express that has survived to present day. A Pony Express rider had to weigh under 120 lbs, and was only allowed 25 lbs of gear which included 4 mail pouches, a pistol, a rifle and the bible. The pony’s were retired after telegraphy lines transversed the country. (Sorry, it's the History teacher in me!)
• Salt Lake City hosted the 2002 Winter Olympics.
• Outlaw Butch Cassidy was a morman from Utah. (Again with the history!)
Professional Sports Teams (not that I’m promoting an allegiance switch, I just mean to keep you informed.)
Salt Lake Buzz (Baseball)
Utah Grizzlies (Hockey)
Utah Jazz (Basketball)
Real Salt Lake (Men's Soccer)
Utah Freezz (Men's Soccer) (Why 2 men’s teams and what’s with the names?)
Utah Spiders (Women's Soccer)
State Symbols
Animal - Rocky Mountain Elk (too bad it's not a moose--I <3,)
Emblem - Beehive
Fish - Bonneville Cutthroat Trout (cutthroat--sounds mean)
Flower - Sego Lily
Folk Dance - Square Dance (Get your partner, do-si-do!)
Fossil - Allosaurus
Fruit - Cherry
Gem - Topaz (see? Barb, your necklace was destiny!)
Grass - Indian Ricegrass
Hymn - "Utah, We Love Thee " by Evan Stephen
Insect - Honey Bee (Buzz, Buzz, Buzz!)
Mineral - Copper
Motto - "Industry"
Rock - Coal (you know...with enough pressure, coal turns to diamonds...)
Song - "Utah, This is the Place" by Sam and Gary Francis
Star and Astronomical symbol - Dubhe and Beehive Cluster (Start star gazing)
Tartan - Utah centennial tartan
Tree - Blue Spruce
Vegetable - Spanish Sweet Onion
Historic Vegetable - Sugar Beet (What’s the difference between the historic veggie and the official veggie? Do you have to cook them together?)
Fish - Bonneville Cutthroat Trout (cutthroat--sounds mean)
Flower - Sego Lily
Folk Dance - Square Dance (Get your partner, do-si-do!)
Fossil - Allosaurus
Fruit - Cherry
Gem - Topaz (see? Barb, your necklace was destiny!)
Grass - Indian Ricegrass
Hymn - "Utah, We Love Thee " by Evan Stephen
Insect - Honey Bee (Buzz, Buzz, Buzz!)
Mineral - Copper
Motto - "Industry"
Rock - Coal (you know...with enough pressure, coal turns to diamonds...)
Song - "Utah, This is the Place" by Sam and Gary Francis
Star and Astronomical symbol - Dubhe and Beehive Cluster (Start star gazing)
Tartan - Utah centennial tartan
Tree - Blue Spruce
Vegetable - Spanish Sweet Onion
Historic Vegetable - Sugar Beet (What’s the difference between the historic veggie and the official veggie? Do you have to cook them together?)
Congrats Dr. Barb—I’m so proud of you!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Blast from the Past
On my way home from the gym today I saw something quite unusual for the Chicago area...
A black squirrel! I haven't seen one since my Augie days! He was scampering around near the corner of Naragansett and Addison. I didn't realize how much I missed those little guys--yeah little black squirrel!
A black squirrel! I haven't seen one since my Augie days! He was scampering around near the corner of Naragansett and Addison. I didn't realize how much I missed those little guys--yeah little black squirrel!
Friday, May 11, 2007
Run Bethie, Run!
As a result of my trek to the top of the Hancock, (damn runner’s high!), I’ve signed up for several road races. Thanks to Barb, I’ve completed 3 5Ks this spring as well as the CrazyLegs race in Madison.
Here’s Barb and I in front of the Capitol near the starting line
(yes, I’m wearing pigtails!)
An 8K is about 5 miles, and due to my super slow 12 minute mile average it took about an hour. I’m convinced that it would have been under an hour if I hadn’t had to stop to pee in the middle of the race. To be honest, I don’t think it was my stop that slowed us down, rather the fact that I had to wait 5 minutes for some guy to get out of the port-a-potty.
Other excitement happened after the 3 mile mark, someone was on the side of the road having chest compressions. According to the Wisconsin State Journal, he was saved by an AED.
Here are the pics from the finish!
I’ve also completed the Wrigley Start Early 5K, 7 Bridges 5K and the Chicago Police Dept. Run to Remember. The run sponsored by CPD, had a beer stop instead of a water stop—To which I commented “Best water stop, EVER!” If you’re super slow and looking for a running buddy, I’ve got a few more races I’m registered for…me and my ipod welcome your company!
Here’s Barb and I in front of the Capitol near the starting line
(yes, I’m wearing pigtails!)
An 8K is about 5 miles, and due to my super slow 12 minute mile average it took about an hour. I’m convinced that it would have been under an hour if I hadn’t had to stop to pee in the middle of the race. To be honest, I don’t think it was my stop that slowed us down, rather the fact that I had to wait 5 minutes for some guy to get out of the port-a-potty.
Other excitement happened after the 3 mile mark, someone was on the side of the road having chest compressions. According to the Wisconsin State Journal, he was saved by an AED.
Here are the pics from the finish!
I’ve also completed the Wrigley Start Early 5K, 7 Bridges 5K and the Chicago Police Dept. Run to Remember. The run sponsored by CPD, had a beer stop instead of a water stop—To which I commented “Best water stop, EVER!” If you’re super slow and looking for a running buddy, I’ve got a few more races I’m registered for…me and my ipod welcome your company!
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