Wednesday, April 28, 2010

An Open Letter to All Froggies:

Hello, Froggies. Let’s chat about trying to kiss a chickie. There are several things to conceder before you try to get your mack on.

First and most important, ask yourself “Does this woman want me to kiss her?” Most women will give you signs including but not limited to flirting, hair tossing, application of lip gloss or just telling you. Don’t do the ‘lean in’ on less you are sure.

Second; location, location, location. Whether we admit it or not, the majority of women are romantic at heart. If you haven’t previously kissed this woman, wouldn’t you want the first kiss to be memorable? Surveys have shown a bad first kiss can be a deal breaker. Therefore, it would not be a good idea to make an attempt in a parking lot, near a dumpster (or trash of any kind—do I look like Oscar the Grouch?) or on a personal note, while I’m watching sports. (You all know, my own mother doesn’t even call me when there’s a Bears game on!)

I would also like to say that persistence does not, in fact, pay off. If a woman isn’t interested, then she’s just not interested. If you try the ‘lean in’ and she doesn’t reciprocate, then do not try a third time. It just makes you seem even creepier. On the same note, if you try, get the head turn and plant one on her cheek, the same applies.

Finally, check yourself. Do you have anything stuck in your Froggie teeth? Do you smell like man or frog? Is your fly down? Are you a douchebag/Froggie? If you answered yes to any of the previous questions, just don’t do it…and please, stay away from me!

Thanks! <3 Bethie

Friday, April 9, 2010

The Froggies Know...

Well, much to the delight of many a faithful reader it turns out I'm pretty much single again. It's a long and sad story I don't feel any need to get into at the moment. (But I'm sure I'll get to that ornery place where I'll feel the need to blog about it!) And so it seems, that the Froggies can sense my singleness and are back on my tail. In fact, were it not for the necessary submission of my boards (due in less than a week), I may have posted sooner.

So, without further ado, a quickie story for your pleasure (and my personal disgust):

I was at Walgreen's picking up a few items. Nothing major, just things that were on sale and for which I had coupons. (I know, bitchin' Friday night. I also have to point out that this was the third frog of the evening!) I was in the "girl product" isle trying to figure out if the sale with coupon was a better deal than the generic option when I notice this guy pass me not once, but three times. True there are other things in this isle but he was not pausing, rather circling. By the time I realized I was his prey it was too late. He came up to me and said "So, uh, you-um-uh, come here often?"

I just stared at him.

Really? Did you just ask that? What sort of response are you looking for? To the tampon isle? Yeah, about once a month.

Fortunately, (and at the risk of giving my wonderful readers too much information) no, Aunt Flo is not in town. So, I just grabbed what I needed and walked away. But I have to wonder, in the event I really were on the rag, would I have chewed this dude a new one? Did he really think that approaching a potentially pms-ing woman with that sort of line, in that location, was the best idea in the world?

Here's a tip, Froggies: If you're gonna hit on a woman who has the slightest chance of being hormonal wait until she's looking for chocolate or ice cream. And please, have a much better line.

Monday, January 4, 2010

The Bachelor (Drinking Game)

Time for a new Bachelor...with the cat fights, tears and roses. Now, while I'm a complete and total love junkie, this show is all about the crazy. Therefore, I would like to share with you the drinking game Danielle and I have made up to play while watching this show. I give you:

The Bachelor Drinking Game
  • Every time they say the word "Rose".
  • Anytime Chris is Captain Obvious. (ie, "This is the final rose of the evening.")
  • Anytime there's tears or crazy.
  • Anytime some one claims to "be in love" or that they're "not here to make friends".
  • Whenever the Bachelor is confused about his choice.
  • Any time someone does or says something that could be used for a future restraining order.

Please, feel free to join us on Monday nights, because this is a prime example of the Hot/Crazy Scale. Enjoy!