Friday, December 28, 2007

Froggie Translations

When it comes to men, I’m starting to feel as if I’ve heard it all. From personal experience to lamenting friends, there are some common lines out there. And really, I’m a smart chickie, I know what all the common phrases mean. I appreciate that guys don’t want to hurt my feelings, but sometime, I’d just like them to grow a pair and tell the truth. But then again, if they didn’t that, then they’d be an asshole. I guess it’s a catch 22.

Anywho, here are some common phrases and what I’m certain they mean. If I’m wrong, boys, feel free to correct me!

“I’m not really into porn / strippers / bachelor parties.” or “I read it for the articles.”

Riiight! Men generally have a thing for some part of the female anatomy (boobs, legs, ass…). I’m not going to call me liars, but I will point out that the sex industry makes millions every day. Coincidence? I think not. Translation: “I like boobies (or insert favorite body part here)!!.”

“I’ll call you.”

While it’s nice to think this means I’ll call you in a few days; the actual translation: “I’ll call you sometime before I die, maybe.”

“It’s complicated.”

It’s not really complicated. Translation: “I have a girlfriend but I want to sleep with you, too.”
“Let’s talk about it later.”

Translation: “I’m uncomfortable with this conversation. Let’s talk about this NEVER!! I’m only saying ‘later’ in the hopes that you will forget.”

“She’s just a friend”

She probably is a “friend”…but one he also occasionally sleeps with. Or the “friend” is not good enough to be a girlfriend…but he doesn’t want to end things with her completely in case things don’t work out with you. If you’re either woman…get out of there!!

“Let’s just see where this goes.”

Translation: “I’m just lookin’ for a booty call.”

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

Translation: “I’m just not that into you.” And he’s a looser! Move on!!

"I'd never lie to you."

Did you not just read the last few statements?!?!

To be fair, I suppose it goes both ways. Let’s face it. Women are rarely just “fine”; we do mind if you go to a strip club; we are ready for a relationship, just not with you; and oh yeah, size does matter.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

What is a Runner?

I was at the gym (a couple of months ago) and Hector (a trainer) was stretching my legs out on one of the tables. I usually get a nice stretch after a hard work out or after a tough race. Another trainer walked by and said “Damn! She is FLEXIBLE!”

To which Hector replied “That’s because she’s a runner.”

Now, I’ve always been flexible. My mother loves to tell stories of me wedging myself places growing up, as well as what seems to be her favorite story of embarrassment that tells of me preferring to suck on my toes rather than my thumbs as a small child. Participation in track and field from the 4th grade until my sophomore year in college, 4 years of high school cheerleading and the up keep of all that stretching through coaching, and pilates and yoga. And let’s face it…I LOVE to stretch!! There’s nothing better than stretching. It always feels wonderful! As a result, I’m pretty bendy, probably more so than the average person.

My point is not that I’m a human rubber band, rather Hector’s comment: “That’s because she’s a runner.”

It was the first time I’ve heard someone describe me as a “runner”. I’ve been a “thrower”, a “cheerleader” and an “athlete”. Even with all the miles I’ve put in training for the ½ marathon, I didn’t think of myself as a runner. I’d say I’m a jock. I’d agree that I’m fairly athletic, but not a runner. I’ve grown to like running, but I never thought I was a runner. Even after crossing the finish line of the Chicago Distance Classic, I didn’t even think I was a runner.

What then is a runner? It can’t be me. I’m definitely not built like a runner. Runner’s are tiny svelte people who finish much more quickly than I. Runner’s don’t stop to walk because they’re tired or their lungs hate them. Runner’s look much better in those tiny shorts and sport tops. Runner’s go out in crazy heat and cold. How can I be a runner?

Is it possible that I’ve become a runner with out realizing it? If you look at my other blog, it’s clear that the amount of time I’ve spent running/working out has drastically increased though the year. I now understand the benefit of tech shirts, blister free socks and Body Glide. I feel better after a run. I even believe that Advil is its own food group.

Is being a runner a mind set? Hell, I just registered for an actual marathon, and it still hadn’t occurred to me that I’m a runner! I actually told myself that “It’s ok to walk during the Marathon if you need to…you just have to try and finish.” Does my body have to get there first before my mind catches up or is it the other way around? I’m not what you’d think of when you think “runner.” I’m not the girl who walks down the street and you think “Wow, I bet she was a runner.”

Looking back at both of my blogs, I can’t believe how much I’ve changed this year. Here are the stats:

I’ve run/worked out 41% of the days in 2007.

I’ve run a one ½ Marthon, one 10 miler, four 10ks, two 8ks, one 6k, ten 5k’s, run a leg in a marathon relay and climbed both the Sears Tower and the Hancock. That’s a total of 126. 32k or 78.3 miles in just road races. That doesn’t even count training runs. (I haven’t counted those miles yet, but I am curious!)

I've learned ALOT this year (and I know I still have even more to learn. What I understand best is that running really is about the journey. That what you get out of running is different for everyone. Each run has a lesson and a purpose, it may not go as planned but you can learn something just the same. To be honest, I don’t know how it snuck up on me, but I’m proud to say, that in 2007, I think I became a runner.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

A Whole New Level of Crazy

I think I may have done something stupid, and it's a mere 2 weeks before I run my second ever 1/2 marathon. I registered for a marathon.

A whole one. 26.2 miles.

I'm not sure if I'm excited or freaked...I'm certain in a few weeks when I start regular training runs over 7 miles, I'm gonna feel differently.

When I signed up, I was pretty pumped. I did sign up for the CARA winter training program. But now, I'm starting to get worried, they keep sending emails stating that people participating should have a strong running base...and that base mileage average keeps going up. It started at being able to run 6 miles comfortably and now it's up to 9 comfortably. Then I thought the first run was 5 miles, I now find out it's actually 7 miles. I signed up because I recognize I need support to train for this...why are they freaking me out? I'm a penguin for pete's sake!! I don't wanna get kicked out of the training runs because I'm too slow or not a strong enough runner!

The first run is January 5th. I think I'm more stressed about running with real runners on a training run than I am for the 1/2 marathon in Disney.

Regardless of my training, I will be participating in the Flying Pig Marathon (because I'll run a marathon when pigs fly!) in Cincinnati, Ohio on May 4th, 2008. If I die, the funeral will be the following week (plan your schedules accordingly).

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Who wants to be my buddy?!?!

I've heard it before, "Bethie, you really need a hobby." But I guess I have to face the facts, running has actually become my hobby. (I really have changed a LOT this year!!)

Anywho, I was puttering around on line and I found this race called Muddy Buddy Ride & Run. I was intrugued; after all the tag line was "Two Buddies + One Mountian Bike + One MONDO MUD PIT = The best time of your life!"

It's a 6 to 7 mile race where done with a buddy. One starts on bike and the other runs, at each of 5 obsticle points you switch running or biking and do the obsticle. You continue leapfrogging through the race until the end. You must finish together by crawling through a GIANT MUD PIT!!! HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!?!?!

I NEED to do this race!! I will be stalking this site until they post the dates for the 2008 Chicago Muddy Buddy Ride and Run.

The important question is: Who wants to be by buddy? Come on, I know I must have had some one out there at 'mud pit'! :)

(Seriously, people! I know someone out there wants to be my 'Muddy Buddy'!)

Monday, December 17, 2007

Home again

Stomach Flu = Bad.

What's worse than that? Having the hiccups when you have the stomach flu.

Trust me, you don't want details.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Football Froggie

I was at BW3’s for some beer, wings, and football. I was wearing my usual Sunday Bears-wear and this guy at the bar starts chatting me up. Now, since the Bears don’t play until tomorrow night, it’s not technically a crime to talk to me during football, but this guy clearly should have observed that rule. He was also wearing a Brian Urlacher jersey, so I thought he was a Bears fan. I wasn’t interested in the first place, but his stupidity sealed his fate.

He introduced himself as Francis and continued to go on a tirade about how much he hates Dallas and Tony Romo. He also had some older guy (50-ish) piping in every so often. At one point when Romo was sacked he even wanted a high five. Generally not a problem, but when my hands are covered with wing sauce, I’m not so interested in a high five (a girl’s gotta have priorities). I gave a polite fist pound and continued with watching the games and eating. He continues to babble about the game and football in general. I have to admit, I was half listening. (I’m sorry! It’s hard to pay attention when I’m already preoccupied by food and football!).

Anywho, at some point he says to me, “That’s a cute jersey, is that Hester?”

Now, I have to make it clear, I have absolutely nothing against Devin Hester. I mean, paired with Gould, that’s practically the Bear’s entire offense. I love Hester. I even gave my mother a Hester jersey for her birthday.

That being said, the jersey I was wearing was not for number 23 (Hester), it was number 34. Anyone from Chicago KNOWS who wore that number. I wish I could have seen the look on my face, because the first words out of my mouth (no filter here) was: “What the FUCK is wrong with you????”

Even the guy sitting next to him smacked him on the back and said, “You idiot, that’s the ultimate Bear—Walter Payton!!!”

This guy’s response? “Uh, uh, I was THREE when he played, I don’t remember who that was!! Besides I’ve been drinking all afternoon!!”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I could be piss-ass blind drunk and still know who was Walter Payton. Hell, I could be so drunk I was vomiting and if you asked me who number 34 was, I would stop puking, say “Payton” and go back to ralphing. Alcohol is not an excuse for not knowing number 34. Furthermore, the “I was three” argument is lame. I was 6 when the Bears went to the Superbowl that Payton played in and I could identify Sweetness. I know players that were around from before I was born. I may have given him a dyslexic moment if he had said Mike Green (the last person on the active roster to wear number 43). If you’re a Bears fan, there’s just some players you KNOW (Halas, Butkus, and Singlary to name a few).

After this I went back to my game, trying to ignore this ignorant fan. He keeps trying to talk…asking what I do, how many games I’ve been to…yada yada. Finally, he asks what I’m doing tomorrow night. I replied that I was watching the game. He asked if I wanted to meet to watch the game. I told him I’d think about it.

Sorry, buddy, not gonna happen. Not only do I have to date someone who’s a Bears fan, they have to be a REAL Bears fan. Granted, I may know more about the Bears than the average gal (ok, so I'm slightly rabid), but someone who doesn’t know Walter Payton? Or isn’t even smart enough to, oh I don’t know, LEAN BACK AND READ THE BACK OF MY JERSEY!!

Here’s a tip Francis: Try the girl at the other end of the bar in the pink Urlacher jersey with the salad. You know, the one who kept asking how many points you get for a field goal. I think she’s more your type.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Just Crabbin'

I’m at this point where I feel a little better, but still icky. You know, that time where you don’t feel well enough to really get something accomplished or do something fun, but too well to sleep for 12 hours straight. Yeah, so I’m lying around on the couch watching bad tv and old movies, eating whatever is around the house (not that I’m terribly hungry—I really don’t feel like eating when I’m sick), surfing the internet and reading. You know what that means: Bethie’s a little crabby.

I’ve devised a list of things that I’ve found pretty damn entertaining and things that just are annoying the crap out of me.

First the entertaining:

My hat. ‘Cuz I like my hat.

I’ve discovered these mentholated patches that stick to your shirt. They’re not messy like Vick’s Vapo Rub, and work just as well. I have five patches stuck to my shirt as I type. I’m surrounded by menthol goodness.

Squirrels that while running across the yard and slip on the ice and wipe out. He was just doing that run/hop thing that squirrels do and just completely biffed. Call me evil for laughing at a small mammal’s misfortune, but that was some funny shit. I’m sure the little guy was ok…he scampered off.

Glow in the dark cats. Seriously, they were on the news—this is not a cold medication hallucination! (Google it if you don’t believe me!) I had the sound off at the time, but they were pretty funny looking. Their skin actually glows in the dark! Although novel, I’m not certain I’d want to wake up and be able to see Seamus licking his butt in the middle of the night.

Peyton Manning commercials. I really love the pep talks one. They totally crack me up.

The SNL sketch with the NPR Ladies Hosting Pete Schwetty with Alec Baldwin (“I love how your balls glisten.”) or the one with “Simon” and Michael Meyer is in the bath tub with Danny Divito (“My Daddy says, ‘Sometimes, Santa’s gotta get whacked!’”)

Now, Things that Annoy Me:

Macy’s. Fuck Macy’s. I want Marshall Fields back. (No news flash here.)

Hillary Clinton. This isn’t anything new either. Just with all the caucus stuff, she’s on TV more often.

The “HoliDUH” commercials. They’re just stupid.

Cartoons now a days are LAME! What happened to Garfield, Mickey, Loony Toons, The Smurfs, and Thundercats. Even the new Scooby Doo isn’t what it used to be.

Not being able to run or work out. It makes me antsy and worried that I won’t be in shape for Disney. I haven’t run more than 20 miles total in the last two weeks. Adding to that, not being able to sleep soundly. I've been up since 5:30 am. I'm certian that no one should have be up when the little hand is on the right side of the clock.

Ok, I think I’m done crabbing for now.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Stange Places I have Napped

I'm coming down with a sinus infection. I hate them. They're awful. They make me feel like OIA.

Anywho, I went home after work and slept. When I woke up, I decided it was time for a drug run to Walgreens. I had a perscription for something else to be filled so I had chosen my cold drugs and was waiting near the pharmacy. The chairs really aren't so uncomfortable that I couldn't lean back and close my eyes...

A hour later the pharmacist woke me up with my refill and to check on me. She wasn't even mad that I fell asleep. She just told me that she hoped I felt better! Such a sweetheart!!

I think that when I'm sick, I should nap at Walgreens more often.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Much better and very blessed!

For those of you checking in, today was much better. I'm crazy sore from my tumble yesterday. There's a couple of spots on my side that hurt to touch... some people have asked me if I broke a rib. Sleeping/laying on my right side is not on the to do list for the day. How do you know if you cracked a rib? If I did, they'll knit, right? I'm not gonna die, yeah? (Reassurances please!!)

In other news, the kids were asking me about my shoes today:
"Are you wearing your new shoes today?"--"Nope, not today."---"Why not!?!?!"--"Because they didn't match my outfit."--"Oh." (5th grade girl)

"How did they know your size?"--"I have no idea, you'll have to ask Mr. C." (7th grade boy)

and a favorite:
"I asked Mr. C why he brought you shoes, and he said 'Sometimes a nice lady just needs a new pair of shoes'". (What woman wouldn't agree with that logic?!?!) (8th grade boy)

The 4th graders were super cute in the hall today (still concerned about my shoes) one of the boys leaned in my doorway and said (as if it was a million years ago, and it's some sort of inside joke between us): "Ms. B, remember when you didn't have any shoes?" -- "Yep, I remember."

All I can say, is I'm so blessed.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Fan-frickin'-tastic

I really did expect this to be a good day; generally I have a good day on Wednesdays.

I got up early this morning at 5:30 to shovel snow and was in the shower about an hour later. I felt as if I was running late and didn't have time to make coffee (Mistake number 1--There's ALWAYS time for coffee!). I got out the door a little before 7:00 and there was someone parking in my driveway!

Seriously? I don't live on a major street. My driveway is attached to my garage, where my car sleeps. I told the guy to move his car and he starts screaming and swearing at me. Calling me a "fucking whore" and that he could park "where ever the fuck [he] wants because it's a public street you stupid ass bitch!" This guy screamed at me for a good 20 minutes before he finally moved his car. It was insane! (Here's where I made my second mistake, because I should have called in to work "sick" and just gone back to bed!!)

So now, I'm late and trying to get to work for cheerleading practice and of course due to snow traffic is slow a honey covered hermit crab. I get to school and the parking lot hadn't been plowed yet and of course my stopping on the street lost my momentum in the car and I slid off the road. Fortunately it's wasn't as bad as last years incident, and my co-workers Sally and Antwan pushed me to the road (thanks guys! You're the best!!!) I drove around and parked in the back of school, which, thankfully, had been plowed. After much sliding and maneuvering I secured a parking spot.

By now, I'm completely tense, on no caffeine, a half hour late with 20 girls who are waiting to try out for cheerleading and still ready to cry from crazy driveway guy yelling at me. I headed to the gym, and of course there's basketball practice (no gym for me). I apologized to Blanca (the secretary who was with the girls waiting for me to get there) for being so ridiculously late and asked her to call the girls to the band room for try-outs.

In the brief window between tryouts and the school day starting, I ran around some more, and as I got to the point where I needed to go downstairs to make some copies for the day and as I was heading down the stairs I slipped (on a snow puddle maybe?) and fell down down the stairs. I tried to stop myself and grabbed the railing, but in doing so, my lower half still had momentum and slammed in to the railing. I seriously just laid there for a minute. I hit HARD. In trying to save myself, I cracked the heel of my boot off my shoe!

As if my day wasn't fantastic enough, I taught my entire first class walking around like Quasi Moto. I finally got the the point where I couldn't take it any more, I went to find Glen, the school's engineer to see if he could break the other heel off my boot. He was out fighting with the snow, so Kelvin, one of the Security guards took my other boot and tried to break the heel. It wasn't coming off so I needed to get back to teaching so I headed up to teach my fourth graders with a heelless boot.

Halfway through class, Kelvin comes up and asks for my other boot! Seriously? Shoeless teachers? Is that even legal? So I there I am in cold stocking feet...heading to mutual prep. On my way back to my class the kids are actually laughing at their shoeless art teacher. There's nothing like a large group of kids pointing and laughing at you to cheer you up. Really, I so enjoyed the junior high flashbacks that came with it too.

Finally, the sun started to poke through the clouds. Half way through my 6th grade class, Kelvin comes in with a bag...he, the other security guard (Julio), Glen and one of the lunch guys (Victor) had chipped in and they bought me a new pair of boots! How nice is that!?! It's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Totally made me feel like Cinderella...well, there was no ball or Prince Charming--but it's still a shoe story! (and I'd rather be Cinderella than Forrest Gump!)

The rest of the day wasn't too bad. I had a great work out with Hector. He not only kicked my butt, but also took my mind off things. He totally knows how to make me feel better and has the nicest things to say.

Moral of the story: Karma may kick your ass, but it's nice to have good people around to help you back up.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Note to self...look before you leap

So I was stuck in the hellish traffic that is I290, and my lips were a bit parched. So I reached in to my bag (without looking--eyes on the road--safety first!) and grabbed lip gloss. I smeared some across my lips and as I pressed them together and...they stuck.

What the? I look at the tube-- MOTHER DICK!!! You've got to be kidding me!! Yep, that's right. Lost in the bottom of my bag from Halloween, was a tube of eyelash glue.

While this wasn't the permanent stickage of crazy glue, but this stuff was tacky, and tasted like a cross between glue, aerosol hairspray and stale mascara. It was super fun trying to get that crap off my lips, drive stick and not be a danger to myself or other drivers on the expressway during rush hour.

Note to self: check what's in the tube BEFORE you put it on your lips!!