Lately, it seems that I’ve been on one bad date after another. That psychic at the Cake concert totally lied about my love life! Anywho, due to the popular demand of my friends I’ve decided to blog about the bad dates. Sure, some are worse than others, but in hindsight, I can at least laugh!! So starting this summer, I’ll add a feature to my blog as the Frog Chronicles. Because as my mom says, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.” I’m starting to think that I need to tell mom that I need to find a new pond!
To start out, we go back a few months. I had a date with this guy Chad*. We headed to Mike's Ale House for some drinks and eventually headed to Mother Hubbard’s for a change of scenery. The date seemed to start off well. He’s a little younger than I, but I figured what the hell, we had a lot to talk about. As the date went on, some of his friends stopped by…they seemed drunk but not bad. Things seemed to be going well, until his cell phone rang.
Now I understand the value of the “emergency” phone call when you’re out on a date. You know, the one where your friend calls and says “something bad happened” to get you out of there if things aren’t going well? (Come on, admit it! We’ve all done it!!). This call was much worse.
First of all, it was not good that he answered the phone. Secondly, I could hear that the voice on the other end of the line was a woman…not good. Finally, (this one’s the kicker) he told her that “I love you” not once but twice!! What the hell?!!? Am I not sitting right next to you?!?! Are you kidding me?!?!
After he finished the conversation I didn’t say anything. He plowed in to an explanation that the woman was his sister (he mentioned earlier that he only had brothers) and that they were very close. I just stared at him for a moment and said “How stupid do you think I am?”
He kept babbling that she wasn’t actually his sister, rather just a very close friend and proceeded to show me her picture on his phone (which by the way, was a pic of her sleeping—weird). At that point I said to him “I wasn’t born yesterday. Clearly that’s either your girlfriend, and you’re a cheater, or that really is your sister and you’re some kind of an incestuous freak—which guy do you want to be?” He opened his mouth as if to respond, stopped and said “Um, I gotta go” and left.
Seriously? WTF!?! At least it was a good time until the phone call!
*due to the delicate nature of the situation, the names have been changed.
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5 comments:
I can tell I'm going to enjoy these posts...
Wish I had someone better to set you up with... but I'm still looking myself!
Good luck with the froggies!
I would invite you to my pond (aka the Mississippi River), but there only seem to be tadpoles & toads over here :(
Hey, I know this guy I can set you up with. Most of the felony counts were dropped so he should be out in time to get you two acquainted at a Halloween party. Pay no attention to the swastika tattoos, they were just a college prank. That story is a hoot! If that doesn't work out for some bizarre reason, I know this other guy that has an impressive earthworm collection. As a bonus, he said that could could sell your house and move in with him in his Mother's basement. (they're very close you know)
My pond only has Mormons and lesbians in it. Yeah Utah. I think I'm buying a dog and giving up on the whole darn pond!
VIctoria--Thanks, I apprecate the offer, but I've dated a frog from your neck of the woods already...stay away!!
Becca--Have you tried the east side of the pond? :)
Dave--I think I already dated the earthworm guy...
Barb--You have enough frog stories yourself! I just might have to let you do a guest post!
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