Football Froggie

I was at BW3’s for some beer, wings, and football. I was wearing my usual Sunday Bears-wear and this guy at the bar starts chatting me up. Now, since the Bears don’t play until tomorrow night, it’s not technically a crime to talk to me during football, but this guy clearly should have observed that rule. He was also wearing a Brian Urlacher jersey, so I thought he was a Bears fan. I wasn’t interested in the first place, but his stupidity sealed his fate.

He introduced himself as Francis and continued to go on a tirade about how much he hates Dallas and Tony Romo. He also had some older guy (50-ish) piping in every so often. At one point when Romo was sacked he even wanted a high five. Generally not a problem, but when my hands are covered with wing sauce, I’m not so interested in a high five (a girl’s gotta have priorities). I gave a polite fist pound and continued with watching the games and eating. He continues to babble about the game and football in general. I have to admit, I was half listening. (I’m sorry! It’s hard to pay attention when I’m already preoccupied by food and football!).

Anywho, at some point he says to me, “That’s a cute jersey, is that Hester?”

Now, I have to make it clear, I have absolutely nothing against Devin Hester. I mean, paired with Gould, that’s practically the Bear’s entire offense. I love Hester. I even gave my mother a Hester jersey for her birthday.

That being said, the jersey I was wearing was not for number 23 (Hester), it was number 34. Anyone from Chicago KNOWS who wore that number. I wish I could have seen the look on my face, because the first words out of my mouth (no filter here) was: “What the FUCK is wrong with you????”

Even the guy sitting next to him smacked him on the back and said, “You idiot, that’s the ultimate Bear—Walter Payton!!!”

This guy’s response? “Uh, uh, I was THREE when he played, I don’t remember who that was!! Besides I’ve been drinking all afternoon!!”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I could be piss-ass blind drunk and still know who was Walter Payton. Hell, I could be so drunk I was vomiting and if you asked me who number 34 was, I would stop puking, say “Payton” and go back to ralphing. Alcohol is not an excuse for not knowing number 34. Furthermore, the “I was three” argument is lame. I was 6 when the Bears went to the Superbowl that Payton played in and I could identify Sweetness. I know players that were around from before I was born. I may have given him a dyslexic moment if he had said Mike Green (the last person on the active roster to wear number 43). If you’re a Bears fan, there’s just some players you KNOW (Halas, Butkus, and Singlary to name a few).

After this I went back to my game, trying to ignore this ignorant fan. He keeps trying to talk…asking what I do, how many games I’ve been to…yada yada. Finally, he asks what I’m doing tomorrow night. I replied that I was watching the game. He asked if I wanted to meet to watch the game. I told him I’d think about it.

Sorry, buddy, not gonna happen. Not only do I have to date someone who’s a Bears fan, they have to be a REAL Bears fan. Granted, I may know more about the Bears than the average gal (ok, so I'm slightly rabid), but someone who doesn’t know Walter Payton? Or isn’t even smart enough to, oh I don’t know, LEAN BACK AND READ THE BACK OF MY JERSEY!!

Here’s a tip Francis: Try the girl at the other end of the bar in the pink Urlacher jersey with the salad. You know, the one who kept asking how many points you get for a field goal. I think she’s more your type.