It's the middle of the afternoon, I'm home and of course watching the Cubs/Marlins game. When three men wearing matching light blue short sleeved dress shirts, maroon ties and backpacks come to my door and ring my doorbell. (In my defence, the front doorbell is actually broken, so it doesn't actually ring--oppsie!) I'm not a fan of answering the door when I don't know the person on the other side (Stranger Danger!). They proceed to keep ringing the bell.
I know they can see and possibly hear that my TV is on, but I not feeling motivated to answer the door (It's the top of the 5th and Dempster loaded the bases---I HAD to see how he was going to get us out of this!). I know I don't have the same rules for Cubs games as I do Bears games...they're more relaxed in the summer, but I really wasn't interested in what they had to say. (I might have gotten up if it was the Mailman or the UPS guy or Christian Bale.)
They kept ringing and began banging the door and trying the door knob! What the crap! So annoying!! So, I grab my trusty 3 Iron (thank you, Big John) and go to the door. Well, if it isn't the Mormon Witnesses (just a general merging of the names of 2 creepy culty religions--to be fair, it's just the extremists that freak me out) trying to save my heathen soul and make me drink some Kool-Aid. I feel bad threatening a fellow Christian, but come on! I don't actually have to open the door. And you most certainly have no right to check my door knob--I believe that's called Breaking and Entering, thank-you-very-much. Bible or no bible, if you're not invited in my house, you stay on the OUTSIDE. It's not like God gives them a monthly quota and it's the end of the month that they have to fill it or something.
I told them "Back off there, Churchy McJesus!" I hit my breaking point when the guy responded, "I'm not Irish." I don't think their Bible says "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...."
Clearly, I've become the crazy cat lady at the end of the block with the bludgeoning device. Maybe the scattering of religious pamphlets across my front lawn will be warning to all those Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses that come knocking on my door.
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2 comments:
At least you don't have to feel bad about threatening a fel Christian, as neither Mormons nor Jehovah's Witnesses classify. They may not admit it to you, but they do not hold most of the fundamental Christian beliefs. I think the best way to address them is to explain what Christians believe. If that doesn't keep them away, just draw chalk outlines on the porch and scatter some of their pamphlets around. :)
My mom kept the wittnesses off her porch by having her aunts, the nuns, swing by the house one day. :)
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