Ick

I’m going to start this post by saying, I officially do not like orange juice. I also should warn the masses…the story you are about to read is not for the weak of stomach.

Why you may ask? What’s that, faithful readers? Shouldn’t this post be one of joy due to my impending Holiday Break that comes with being a teacher? Well, let’s just say, my last day at work blew (literally).

I started the day our usual Friday staff breakfast (Mr. Greenburg’s “crack cake” –as I call it—was awesome!). I delivered my Secret Santa gift (I was foiled by my unique handwriting!!). Sarah, our former band teacher was in town for a conference and came by to visit. The children actually weren’t that crazy so far…I had even gotten some homemade cards from a few of my students. It seemed that this day wasn’t going to be so crazy…until fourth period with the 4th graders.

I felt that something wasn’t right. Maybe I was hungry. I hadn’t had much for breakfast besides Greenburg’s crack cake and some fruit with the formentioned orange juice nothing out of the ordinary. I was reprimanding a student, who (and this is important later in the story) has a speech impediment of stuttering when suddenly, I NEEDED my garbage can. Yeah, I yakked. This poor kid froze. He just stood there starring at me with HUGE eyes. Eventually he got out the sentence “M-m-m-m-m-ms. B? Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-ould I g-g-g-g-g-get the of-f-f-f-f-f-fice?” In between heaves, I told him to get Ms. Rose in the Library. Ten minutes later he came running back into my room, grabbed another student and ran back out of my room. I later found out that he was so excited and due to his speech, he couldn’t quite get the information out. Ms. Rose did eventually come to my class and helped by taking my fourth graders for the remainder of the period.

I bagged up the garbage can and took it to the dumpster, but ended up throwing up in the downstairs bathroom near the cafeteria. The lunch ladies began asking when my baby was due thinking that my sickness was due to morning sickness rather than the flu. No amount of convincing could make them believe that it REALLY IS THE FLU!! (Sorry, ladies, no preggos here!)

I made it back up to my classroom to see my sixth graders waiting for me. The sixth grade teacher took one look at me and asked what was wrong. She did offer to give up her prep, but I said that I would try to take her kids. I guess I must have looked pretty bad because they didn’t even want to walk into my room! I have to admit, I wanted them for slightly selfish reasons; they’re a really good bunch of kids, and I needed a few things put away before the break and I knew I could count on them to help me out. It was the best decision I could have made. Students who weren’t helping me were quiet and coloring, the rest of the students straightened up my classroom, cleaned my tables, and prepped the clay for the break. (Kudos to room 304!!).

I was honestly hoping that I would make it to the end of the day. But as the period was stretching on, I new it was not possible. I got together some coloring pages for the 7th and 8th graders (my last two periods of the day) and sent them to the office with a note saying that I needed to go home, and to give these to whom ever was covering my class.

As the sixth graders were lining up, I was preparing to leave and then it hit me. I wasn’t going to leave my school without paying homage to the porcelain gods one more time. Just as I grabbed my garbage can and hit the floor, I heard my assistant principal asking me why I wanted to leave early? (HELLO?!?! I Think everyone in the school knew Ms. B was barfing by now!!!) Was it an emergency? (Ya, think?) and that I couldn’t leave because there weren’t any subs available (WTF?!?!?!). Unfortunately, I was a little to occupied to answer.

I’m sure that my sixth graders were picked up by their teacher. I was in my classroom, still vomiting, when I heard the other art teacher run in my room. Laura, bless her heart, had a front row show. You know you have a good friend, when they make sure you’re alive during the flu (LP—YOU ROCK!!). Even better, she single handedly diverted my in coming 8th grade class. All I heard was her telling Mr. S. that his class was NOT having art today. I did hear one student get by her, for a glimpse of the show. That student informed her class that “Ms. B was on the floor puking all over the place” (Sweet, isn’t she?).

A few minutes later, the swells had calmed, and I gathered my belongings, as the garbage, I heard over the speaker, “Um, Ms. B?” “Yeah?”, I feebly answered. “Ms. B, I had no idea you were that sick, your classes have been canceled for the day, you may go home.”

HALELULLEA!! It’s a Christmas Miracle!!

I’m not sure who changed the office’s mind, but thank GOD!! Made a second trip to the dumpster and headed in to drop my keys. My Ass’t Principal saw me and said that from my note, she didn’t realize that I was that ill. She said that she was sorry, and asked if I was ok to drive home. I really wasn’t terrible interested in the explanation, I just wanted to go home!!

I did make it home without defiling the interior of my car and took a nice nap on my bathroom floor. Nothing like starting the holiday break with a bang.