New Rules

I’ve recently felt that I’ve been making some cardinal dating mistakes. I really should know better. There are days when I feel like (to quote Phoebe from Friends) my collective dating history reads like a who’s who of human crap. The moves I’ve been making are totally JV moves. So I’ve decided to create some rules for myself. As a way to stick to it, I’m posting it for all to see!

Bethie’s 10 rules for dating: (in no particular order)

1. No dating anyone who works at Radio Shack or Circuit City. Not that there’s anything wrong with these businesses. I’m just sticking to past precedent and cutting them off!

2. No Recycling. Either I, or a friend of mine broke up with a person for a reason. If I start to recycle, I’m calling Barb to reinforce this one. (Barb, you’re officially my anti-recycling sponsor! Tough love, baby, tough love.)

3. No Cheaters. Let’s face it; I know that if a man cheated on their current girlfriend/wife to date me, there is a high likelihood that the same thing will happen to me. You’d think I’d have this one down by now. I deserve better than to be the “other woman.” And it is not fun when the “first woman” shows up at my door…even though I didn’t know I was the “other woman”…it still wasn’t fun.

4. No dating any one I work with. I’ve never actually done this one. It’s probably a good thing.

5. No dating friends. There needs to be at least one to two degrees of separation, otherwise there is a strong possibility of awkwardness. And then, if there’s a break-up, mutual friends end up getting divided in the divorce. It’s fraught with messiness.

6. No more assholes. Really, I need to pay attention to this one and the clues that go along with it. If a man is a major jerk to his friends, family, random strangers or small animals that’s bad news bears…a leopard may be able to cover his spots for a while, but eventually they will show through.

7. If a guy doesn’t talk to you before 12:00 am (i.e. makes initial contact), you don’t need to make friends. I was at this bar and watched this guy do five shots of Patron before he came over to talk to me. I discovered he’s a 42 year old, divorce’ who was too drunk to give me his number…the number I ended up with was 847-847-1847. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the Chicagoland area, 847 is the area code for the northern suburbs. He just was too drunk to realize that he didn’t make sense. No, I wasn’t interested in the first place, but it is an entertaining story that exemplifies my point.

8. Find out the sports affiliation early. Football season stretches from August through February (that’s almost 6 months!): 3 weeks of training camp, 4 weeks of pre-season, a 16 week regular season, plus the play-offs is way too long to deal with someone who doesn’t understand that I bleed blue and orange. I also root for the Cubs, the Wolves, the Mallards, the Rush, and when no particular sports affiliation is made, any Chicago team. Packer fans need not apply.

9. Don’t be afraid to take advantage of the 90-day return policy. I’m convinced that you have 90 days from the initial meeting to get out without hard feelings. After that, it turns into a relationship. No need to waste time if it’s not working.

10. Trust your gut. ‘Nuff said.