'Tis the Season for Giving Froggies

I was out and about a few places this weekend and at one of them I met Jack's chickie along with his cousin. Both seem like lovely people. At the bar we were at, the two went out to have a cigarette, and since I don't like neither second hand smoke, nor cold I choose to stay inside.

Upon their return from a smoke, they are literally dragging this guy to the table to introduce me. I hate to sound ungrateful, but I do have certain criteria on men aside from "Does he have a penis?" (Thanks, Renee). I really do appreciate the effort (good try ladies!), but I had to avoid this little "gift". I would also like to thank Jack for going big brother on him.

So, in the spirit of the up coming holidays, I've created a list, and checked it twice of just what I'm looking for--if you find one of these, feel free to put a bow on him for me:

1. There is a height requirement. To quote Barb in the sign she put on my door junior year of college, placed at the 6 foot mark: "You must be this tall to ride the Bethie." (What am I, Great America?) I'm certain it's really shallow, but I'm a tall girl and have height issues. A guy would have to be gorgeous and practically perfect in every other way for me to wave this one. To be honest, I don't think I could go much shorter than 5'10" and be comfortable. And yes, I've tried.

2. This next one is no surprise: Packer fans need not apply. If you're not a Bears fan, I can't deal with you. I also prefer Cubs fans (this guy last night had on a Sox hat-ew!), and Hawks fans. Football affiliation is also a deal breaker.

3. Non-smoker (that guy's third strike). First of all, I think it's icky. I'll spare you all the negative health effects like hairy tongues (seriously, it was in this high school health video so it must be true!) and remind people that I have asthma, I can't breathe as it is, let alone with smoke in the air.

4. Ideally, he should be in his late 20's or 30's. I hate to sound old, but I'm just not in to the same scene that I was 7 or 8 years ago.

5. I would also prefer a guy who is at least slightly athletic. Not to mention not prettier or skinnier than I (How could I date someone more high maintenance than me? If he could fit into my jeans, that's not good--I want a real man, with meat on his bones.) I have to admit, I dig the broad shoulder type--I'm just sayin'.

6. Finally, it's important for him to be kind, empathetic and a decent human being. I'd also appreciate it if he was not gropey, creepy, icky gross or on drugs. He should actually be single, be able to have a somewhat intelligent conversation, have a job, a sense of humor, and not be a total commitment-phobe. (See previous Frog Chronicles for further info on what I'm NOT to do.)

I know it's much harder to screen for the criteria in #6, but I feel they're a little more common sense--who isn't looking for those things? Besides, 1-5 are clearly hard enough for me to find.

See? I'm not that picky. :)